Forget Me Not

The Forget Me Not Flower

I have an excellent memory. Not photographic, but I did memorize the entire Gettysburg Address in the 5th grade (I still know it), I could tell you what you wore on any given day, and can playback entire conversations from as long ago as nursery school. I just remember things, which can sometimes be good or bad.

Most of these things are facts or feelings, I often can't remember where I hid my keys from Spencer. But recently I've noticed a startling a trend- I've forgotten, or blocked out, large parts of who I used to be. Before Spencer (BS), I was the ultimate hopeless romantic, the girl who believed love conquered all, and there was no romantic comedy that I didn't like. During my freshman year of college, our hall ordered t-shirts that had our names and a quote about us on it- mine was "Katie 'I love love." I had a kissing wall, every year, in all of my dorm rooms- photos and magazine cut outs of various kisses. I unconditionally gave my whole heart to the love of my life.

Then one day I had a baby and all my love went to her. It no longer seemed appropriate to be that girl anymore, after all, it was my amorous ways that got me here. Deep down though, I'm still that same hopeless romantic who believes in soul mates and true love. But, it makes me sad to remember that Katie (uh oh, I'm talking in the 3rd person) and how I thought I was going to grow up, become a pro bono lawyer, get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. That's still no excuse for completely excising that part of myself just because it makes me wistful.

Yesterday, I realized that it wasn't just the "I love love" me that I put on the back burner, I also did it with, to a lesser extent, the government loving patriotic me. I still talk about politics, but if you knew me BS you'd know that it was one of my favorite topics to discuss- I don't think a day went by when I didn't talk about it in some way or another. But then I had a baby and continuing law school was no longer an option- talking about politics, governments and laws only reminded me that I wasn't going to have the life I'd spent years preparing for.

I was listening to NPR on the way home from celebrating the 4th with the PGP's and they did a segment on the WASPs, no not White Anglo Saxon Protestants. The WASPS, Women Airforce Service Pilots, were female pilots during WWII who flew military aircraft for the United States Army Airforce. They were flight instructors, test flew sick planes to make sure they were suitable for flying before the men flew them, and were often used to pilot planes that were being used as target practice for the men learning how to shoot while flying. Thirty-Eight of them died and not one was allowed to have a military burial or a Gold Star- the US didn't even pay to have their bodies shipped back to their families. After the War, Congress defeated a proposed bill that would have given these women the military benefits they deserved and went so far as to seal the records of the WASPs, their contribution hidden from the world. On July 1, 2009, 65 years after their records were sealed, President Obama awarded these courageous women with the Congressional Gold Medal.

When I heard this, I burst into tears- which surprised me. But I thought about why it had elicited such an emotional response and the answer came to me- these ladies were heroes who were unjustly forgotten. They dedicated a part of their life, some gave their lives, to a cause and were then forced to ignore it, to pretend like it never happened.


And here I am, shutting out, ignoring huge parts of myself just because it makes me sad?! So what if I don't have the life I imagined? It may be different, but I LOVE it. All I've really wanted, my whole life, is to be remembered, have a legacy- change the world for the better in some small way. I still plan on achieving that goal, I'm not sure how, but I still see endless opportunities in my future. I'm not sure why I've going about these past two years as if the old me no longer exists, or isn't really relevant to the current or future me.
My baby turns two on Friday. Two. She's a little girl now and I'm having some trouble accepting that. I keep thinking about our life together and how I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world. I'm happy- there's no longer a reason for me to forget who I was. Spencer is almost at the age where she's going to remember her life- our life- and I want to be all of me for her, not just the parts I've carved out. After all, if I hadn't been me I wouldn't have had her, and that's not something I ever want to forget.

The Tea Baggers

*UPDATE* Chuck Norris announces on the radio that he would like to be the President of Texas, should the secede from the Union. He said "I may run for president of Texas,” Norris wrote Monday in a column posted at WorldNetDaily. “That need may be a reality sooner than we think. If not me, someone someday may again be running for president of the Lone Star state, if the state of the union continues to turn into the enemy of the state.”

I try not to talk about politics too much on here, because for many people, it's a touchy subject- especially during this time of economic hardship. But today I'm not going to try to avoid stepping on toes. I just read about the most appalling words the Governor of Texas said yesterday while at a Tax Day Tea Party.

At one the parties, Governor Rick Perry said to the crowd, "I'm just not real sure you're a bunch of right-wing extremists. But if you are, we're with you." He said this as the crowd chanted "Secede" over and over again in the background.

I can't tell you how disgusted that makes me. I expect fringe groups to make claims of secession, but not from the Governor of Texas, who is conveniently up for reelection this year and also has his eye on the 2012 ticket. What makes it all the more troubling, is that he said this on the heel of of a report released by the Department of Homeland Security that contends right-wing extremist groups may be using the recession and the election of the nation's first African-American president to recruit members.

Defined, "Right Wing Extremists are typically those who believe in an ideology which is hostile to the constitution and mostly contemptuous of human life. They are often recognized by their hostility towards minorities and violence directed against minorities only because of their ethnic origin." So I'm a bit confused why Governor Perry would include himself, and his fellow Conservatives, in this group.

I certainly don't think that regular Conservative Republicans are RWE, and don't think RWE think regular Conservative Republicans are RWE. It's hard for me fathom that a popularly elected Governor of the second largest state in the Union would lump himself and many others, in a group who's heros include Adolf Hitler, Augusto Pinochet, Timothy McVeigh, and David Duke - just to name a few!

Later on in the day, when a reporter asked if Texas might actually consider seceding from the Union, he replied, "if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, you know, who knows what might come out of that."

Now don't me get wrong, I do believe in States' Rights, it's part of the fundamental check and balance process that keeps our government from swinging too far in any direction. I don't think that States' Rights means Governors' Rights. In addition to Perry, the Governors of Louisiana, Mississippi, Alaska, and South Carolina have all rejected huge portions of the Federal Stimulus money meant to help struggling local economies and create more employment opportunities. I believe this is wrong; in my opinion that kind of decision needs to be made by the respective state legislatures- the voice of the citizens. If they decide not to accept it, that's fine, but at least it wasn't the decision of one person, who most likely has visions of being on the Republican Presidential ticket in 2012, i.e., Sarah Palin, Bobby Jindal, and Rick Perry.

One of the reasons I majored in Government was that I loved the idea of differing opinions and ideologies coming together to make decisions that would steadily improve quality of life, be that in homeland security, education, health care, or commerce. Even though you might disagree on every level of the political process, everyone shared the common goal of doing what was best for the nation. Yes, that sounds a but idealistic, but I really believe it. That's why this makes me so mad!! By giving any kind of proper acknowledgement to a group that's openly derisive towards everyone who's not "just like them," he's done nothing but give them political legitimacy. And the idea of a Texas secession is just crazy, it's never going to happen, and even entertaining the notion of it shows how he is willing to cut off his nose to spit his face (Texas).

Wow, I feel a lot better now that I've gotten that of my chest! Don't worry, this won't be a regular occurrence, my heart is pounding just thinking about clicking that Publish Post button. If you passionately disagree with this, I'd love to hear why. I like understanding every side of the coin and being able to understand and accept differing opinions is all part of the process of self-improvement.

And P.S.- why do yesterdays protesters and organizers keep referring to themselves, and the other attendees of the Tax Day Tea Party, as Tea-Baggers and that by attending a TDTP you were Teabagging? Do they not know what that means? They showed a picture on MNSBC of a little boy wearing a shirt that said "I'm Teabagging," and when I saw it, I almost spit my diet coke out of my mouth, I was laughing so hard. Well, if they don't know, someone might want to give them a little heads up on what Teabagging is.