From the outside looking in, it appeared as though the world was his oyster. He had a beautiful, intelligent wife, a house, and a loving family. For what more could you ask? I was looking at some of his pictures the other day, before any of this happened, and I thought to myself that he looked so happy, so loved. He was one of the last people I would ever think could make such a decision; to choose death over life.
As sad as I am for him, all I can think about is his wife. They were supposed to have a lifetime together- to grow old with each other. And now she's alone; left by herself to pick up the pieces and somehow move forward. It makes me queasy to think about the helplessness she must feel. What must she have gone through when she went home and found him?
I've experienced depression before. Shortly after my Mema died my dad was diagnosed with Small B-Cell Lymphoma, specifically Small Lymphocytic Lymphoma. Within four months my world was turned upside down and I was devastated. Months later I no longer recognized myself and my parents were so worried about me. I got help, went to a psychiatrist and was put on an anti-depressant. After awhile things began to look brighter and I was slowly weaned off of them under my doctor's supervision. It was a painful time in my life, but I never thought about ending it. That's why I know he must have been in such tremendous despair.
It's taken me five minutes to write the word. Suicide. It takes my breath away like a punch to the stomach. I don't know if he reached our to anyone or if he kept it all bottled inside. What if someone I'm close to is experiencing the same thoughts and feelings? How can I help? I hope I'm the kind of person that someone could turn to, but maybe I'm not. I don't know, what are the right words to say?
Tonight, I'm feeling helpless.
14 comments:
There are no right words to say. In a situation like this, all you can do is be there. Make your presence and love known, and wait for the ways to help appear. I am so sorry you are going through this though. I really am.
I am so sorry Katie, that is tough and I know it just fills your mind. Praying for this poor widow; I can't even imagine.....
That is so sad. I know what you mean.
Oh Katie, that is terrible. I'm so sorry - for you, for her, and for all touched by this tragedy.
When I was in college I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. And I remember driving home one night, thinking I could just drive off the road and none of the pain would be there anymore. But I couldn't do it. What if I was destined to do great things in the world?
I'll say a prayer for his wife. How awful.
Sweet Katie, what a blow. You and this guys family will be in my prayers. It's hard to know what to say in a time like this, but prayer always works. I'm so glad that you were able to get help with your depression. I went through a bought with depression right before Christopher left for college. I went on a anit-depressent and was weaned off too. God is good and sends what we need in different ways.
So Sad. My heart goes out to you and the family. I agree that there are no words to say in a situation like this, but you are a beautiful writer. Hang in there and know there are people praying for you.
I am so sorry. It is alway hard when there are no answers.
I am so sorry Katie, death in general is such a horrible experience. I pray for all of the loved ones that were hurt by this.My heart goes out to you all.
I don't even know what to say...there are no words that will ease the pain at this point. It's hard to even imagine the absolute grief you all must be feeling right now.
I am so sorry. It is so hard. I have dealt with it a few times in my life and in each case, was so stunned afterwards that I could not even breathe for days.
It's devastating. A co-worker of mine was fired several years ago. That Monday he did it. He had two small boys and a wife. I never knew how troubled he was. I couldn't stop having nightmares for a while.
God bless your friends soul Katie - and his family. When you are able to catch your breath - you will remember him not by how he chose to end his life but by the memories of the life he DID lead.
Kiran
I'm sorry this happened. It's very hard, even if we weren't close, but knew them. I'm sure there are a lot of unanswered questions right now. Hopefully his wife has a strong support system right now. Very sad. I hope you are okay.
Blessing to you.
I'm sorry for your loss. It's so terrible, and I can only begin to imagine what he was going through. When it gets really bad, sometimes it's impossible to see that it won't be that way forever. My heart breaks for his family.
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