For the first couple of days I totally fell for the one-more-kiss line. But then my little sweet-talker picked up on my weakness for her displays of affection and all of a sudden I was getting and giving about ten to twenty kisses. Kisses turned into hugs which turned into her telling me "your my best best friend in the world." She came up with that line all on her own and it just melted my heart into an oceanic sized puddle, Or at least it did until I heard her tell many other people that they were else her "best best friend in the world."
Even after I realized her new nighttime lovey-doviness was just a ploy to stay awake longer, I was having a really hard time resisting her charms. During the day, Spencer is, well, not so fond of the PDA. She is fiercely independent and wants to do everything with no help from me. So when she turns into that sweet little smooth talker as soon as she realizes it's getting dark out, I'm putty in her hands.
Or at least I was. Tonight I put my foot down after 20 minutes of her attempts to try and "love me" into letting her stay awake longer. It about broke my heart when she said "but I just want hold your hand!" But we'd already held hands, done our kiss routine, sang songs, etc. One more hand holding would turn into two more hugs and she'd be no closer to going to sleep. I felt like the worst mother in the world.
But I had to do it, right? I feel so guilty about this whole thing- everything was fine with her sleeping habits until I put an end to her pacifier. I knew it was going to mean that nights were going to be a little more difficult for awhile and that I'd need to be patient and understand during the transition process- but that was in the middle of March! Isn't the transition period over? My answer to that was yes, but now I'm starting to question whether or not I'm wrong here. I don't know- what do ya'll think? How would you handle this situation?
9 comments:
Been through that...twice. The first time, we didn't stop it until after it progressed to the point where one of us was sleeping on the floor holding her hand. If we attempted to move before the middle of the night, she'd pitch a fit. If she woke during the night, it started all over. This went on for months, maybe even a year, before we put a stop to it.
With the second one, we took a little bit of hard-nose approach. We did the bedtime routine, a couple of extra hugs/kisses/stories, etc, then it was lights out and we walked away. For two or three nights, she pitched a fit and begged (making us feel like rotten parents). After that, she was fine.
I remember reading once about a little girl who would twine her fingers through her mom's hair at bedtime for the same reason.
Good luck...this, too, shall pass.
My only similar-ish experience is moving my daughter from our room into her own room and crib. We're still in transition. It has been heartbreaking and exhausting and all she can do is cry and kick. I can't imagine that plus the 'I love yous.' All I can say is take lots of deep breaths and know I'm somewhere feeling like a guilty ball of unsure too!
I think you are right by saying, I've allowed you to do this and now it's time to move on. It's so hard when they are so cute. Chirstopher wanted to sleep with me when he was little and got very VERY good at sneaking in after I went to sleep at night. You are in my prayers.
I think you're doing fine by putting your foot down. Don't feel guilty... it sounds like you already have a lengthy bedtime ritual aside from her lovey persuasions, so it's not like she's not getting your love!
I was mean when it came to be that time. I let Cade throw a fit and cry it out. It only happened for two nights and then he was a-okay.
You're an awesome mom! The best moms always feel guilty :)
It sounds like you did everything right - transitions are just hard. Maybe there is a way to settle into a new bedtime routine (sing a song, say a certain prayer, etc.) that she can get attached to and make the process easier?
Unrelated but I was thinking about your money post - did you say you had an etsy shop?
Oh my goodness ... don't feel bad. I know that is easier said ten done.. but yes. You did have to end it. She KNOWS what she is doing. Sam does the same thing. 'MOM! I WANT YOU, I NEED YOU. I want to HOLD YOU!'
Drives me nuts... and turns me into a puddle at the same time.
You are not alone!
For what it's worth (meaning I really have nothing to base this on, just my opinion)...
I think that you are doing the right thing,by following your instinct. The little ones are definitely creatures of habit, which is sooo not cool, when they are bad habits.
I think you would probably know by her reaction if it is too harsh. Of course there will be crying, but I think if she were super duper crazy upset you would know, as opposed to just being upset that she is being made to go to bed.
Does that make sense at all?
Good luck girl!
I pulled the paci from Aeryn when she was still in her crib. She was capable of getting herself out, but only did once.
The transition was brutal and I too felt like the worlds worst mom. It was honestly 2 hours of crying before she'd go to sleep. I knew both of our personalities well enough to know that I couldn't cave that first day or it would be all over...
Finally she did sleep and after about 3-4 days it was no big deal anymore. We always did our cuddle and cute bedtime stuff outside her room so once I put her in bed I'd just leave. It may not have been the best way, but we made it through and we were both so much happier once the dependence on that little chunk of plastic was all gone!
I don't know, but that must be hard!
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