Nurse Katie

When I was young(er), I had all answers to all the questions. Job?  Lawyer.  Specialty?  Constitutional Law.  Firm?  No firm, the Solicitor General's Office.  Marriage?  Yes.  Who?  The boyfriend I've dated since age 13.  When?  Age 24, the summer after my second year of law school.  Children?  Yes.  How many?  Four- two boys and two girls.  Names?  Madison Grace, Jocelyn Anne, James Matthew, and Chase Prescott.**  Location?  Work in DC, live in Leesburg, VA.    Main goal in life?  To leave the world a better place than when I entered it.

**(please note, this was circa year 2000, many years before Madison became the trendiest name on the planet. I also will not be naming any potential future child any of these names.)

And then I went to college. As it would turn out, my feelings on things started to change and all of a sudden I wasn't quite sure I liked all the answers to my questions. All of a sudden, there were all of these questions swirling around in my head- ones I'd never thought about, or didn't want to think about, before, and I had no answer to them. I wanted to go to Africa and work for a legal non-profit dedicated to helping women and children. About ten million people named their kid Madison, my boyfriend did not like my new ideas on things, my parents did not like my new ideas on things, and I had no concrete answers for anything except that I wanted to leave the world a better place than when I entered it.  How I was going to accomplish that was a little bit murkier.

Well, you all know the rest of the story- law school, pregnant, quit law school, had baby, no idea what I was going to do with my life. My eyes were opened when I was pregnant with Spencer, but it was like a blind fold being removed in the brightest light- I could see, but it took awhile for my eyes to adjust before anything was clear. I won't go into the whole story now- you can read about it here, but I became passionate about health care, especially in regards to unethical health insurance companies. (Briefly, my health insurance denied payment of all prenatal expenses and because I had health insurance, I was ineligible for any state or federally funded health care. I had to pay $500 dollars at every doctor's appointment, plus extra for all tests, ultrasounds, etc., and that's not even getting into the five day hospital stay we had.)

After a lot of thought and wishy washy-ness, I decided that I wanted to go back to school and become a nurse. I was paving the road for the day when I could combine my government degree with the one in nursing and use them together to work on realistic and sustainable healthcare reform. One thing stood in the way- I was a GOVERNMENT major! Do you think I took any science in college? Nope- I exempted everything in high school. So, about two years ago I started on this journey of going back to school and taking all of the required prerequisites. It's a long story filled with obstacles- you can read about it here- but, I finally finished everything and the only thing left to do was apply and get it.

Two weeks after the acceptances letters were supposed to arrive, I started preparing myself that I didn't get in. Every trip to the mailbox was filled with anxiety and then the sinking feeling in my stomach took over on every empty handed walk back to the house. And then, last week, it came- a tiny, thin, impossibly flat envelope that looked nothing like the acceptance packages I'd received from colleges. I didn't want to open it to be honest with you. I thought about tucking it away and pretending like it never came, that way I could still hold out some hope. After a few minutes of staring at it, I shut my eyes and began opening it. When the letter was out, I squinted one eye, peeking to see if the first letter of the opening paragraph started with an I or a C. (Denials always start with I'm Sorry to inform, and the acceptances always start with Congratulations) I saw a C.

I opened both eyes and read the first word: it said Congratulations. I didn't read one more word, I couldn't have read another word even if I'd wanted to, because I started crying, like really crying. And then I cried for about ten minutes straight. I didn't even think to call or tell anyone, it was a moment that was just about me.

There will never again come a day when I'll have all the answers to questions. If this life has taught me anything, it's that anyone can answer a question, but that certainly doesn't mean they're correct. Right now, I'm just so grateful that I have the chance to pursue something I really love, something that will allow me to leave the world a better place than when I entered it. So how does Nurse Katie sound to you?

Six Rules for Censoring Your Blog

When I first started blogging I had no intention of anyone reading it that I knew personally.  I didn't put a link on my facebook page or tell anyone except my best friend that even I had a blog. I just wanted to write my real feelings on things, free from any worry that someone I knew was reading my thoughts.  I didn't really think anyone would ever read it, so I didn't use fake names or omit any information that might potentially allow my my blog to be found.  And then one day, about six months into this venture, someone I knew found it.

I remember getting that email- which was very nice and had nothing negative to say- and completely freaking out!  When I started writing, Spencer had just turned one and I was still caught between who I used to be, who I was becoming and who I wanted to be.  I couldn't make decisions about anything because I honestly didn't know who I was anymore.  I thought that by starting a blog and writing about everything, that it would give me some clarity and help me find my way again.  And I did this by writing pretty much whatever came into my head, ie., without any censoring.

So when I found out that these thoughts of mine might make it back to people who knew me, knew the old me, I was terrified. When you go through something like I did, I don't think you ever really get over the fear of being judged again.  The idea of all these people, not just faceless strangers, reading my personal thoughts... well, it felt like being naked in front of them.  At first I didn't know what to do- should I just delete my entire blog or go back and remove everything that I wasn't comfortable sharing with anyone in my real life?  I went back and looked at the posts I had written so far and it turned out, I really didn't want to share anyone of it with actual people in my life.  But I also didn't want delete anything.  In the six months I had been writing, I finally started to feel like a real person again- someone who wasn't caught between the past and the present- and I couldn't bring myself to get rid of one single thing that led me to that place. 

While I didn't delete anything I wrote up until that point, I stopped posting a lot of things that I didn't used to think twice about writing before.  Normally I'm not one for censorship, but sometimes, there are things that you just shouldn't write about on your public blog- especially if said blog is in the mommy/daddy genre.  Now that I've been doing this for almost three years, more and more people I know are reading it.  Every time someone new tells me they've found my blog, I still experience the same anxiety I felt that first time.

Even now, I have to resist the urge to go back to those older posts and completely re-edit everything because a large hunk of it are things I would never write today.  But then I think about how far I've come since then, how much I've changed and grown- the person who I was in 2008 helped me to be the person I am in 2011 and I don't want to forget that.  A lot of my fears about people reading the earlier posts is because of my own hangups about having very different ideas and opinions on things than I used to before Spencer.  And I was kinda figuring all of that out back then and those were moments of real questioning for me. But I'm not who I was before, for better or for worse (I think for better, but that's just me), this is who I am now.

One day I want Spencer to read this blog and I want it to be something she loves to read.  It's important to me that I keep everything as close to the truth as possible, but I do have to do a little censoring- especially anything that would be harmful for Spencer to read.  That doesn't mean I paint a  pretty glossy picture instead of the truth- I just don't write about it.  And for the most part, I'm able to forget about who might be reading this and I try really hard to not let that influence what I say and write about.  But I do have a few rules of blogging censorship I try to live by that I think are important for protecting certain aspects of your life without compromising the integrity of your blog.  So here they are:

1.  Don't write anything that you wouldn't say to someone's face.  (This one comes straight from Dooce herself)  Her actual words are "Don't write things about people in your life that you wouldn't say to them face to face."

2.  Never attack someone personally for differences of opinion.  It's perfectly okay to write about controversies and to not agree with other people or bloggers about something- but write about the merits of your opinion, why you disagree with them, and never attack the person.

3. Don't write anything negative about your child's other parent.  This is mostly for those of us who are single parents, but it's still a good rule of thumb for everyone.  Remember, the Internet never forgets and eventually your kid is going to see what you've written.  Do you really want them to read something that might make them think their other parent didn't really love them, about battles to receive child support payments, canceling visits, or any other area where it might make them feel unloved or unwanted?  No, you don't, so protect them from this instead of just offering up the information for them to find out one day.

4.  Don't publish anything you've written when you're angry.  It's perfectly fine to write something when your mad, but you should sleep on that post before hitting the publish button because the morning somehow gives us a new perspective.  Even if you still feel the same way, chances are that you are thinking a little more rationally, so go back and re-read your post to see if it's coherent and make sure you didn't include something you shouldn't have.

5.  Don't write about your friends and family with their real names unless you ask them first.  Don't post pictures of them either unless you ask them first- especially make sure to do this with other people's children.  Not everyone is comfortable with publicly unrestricted pictures of themselves or their children on the Internet, so be respectful of that.

6.  Resist with all your might the temptation to go back and delete or completely revise old posts (unless it's for personal safety issues).  One of the great things about blogging is reading someone's journey from to start to finish as it was happening- the good times, the bad times, and where they are now.  What you wrote while actually going through something holds much more power and weight than if you'd written about it after the fact. 

What about you all?  Do you have any rules that you like to stick to about censoring on your blog?  Is there anything you've written that you wish you didn't?

My Alma Mater, William & Mary

Even though I've been meaning to, I haven't done a Show Us Your Life post in awhile.  But when I read that this week's topic was alma maters, I got very excited, because I LOVE William & Mary and am so proud of my school.  (I wrote most of this back in 2009, so for some of you, a little of it might be familiar.)

See that cannon in the lower left hand corner of the picture?

 That's me on that cannon!  Now where else can you do that?

The Princeton Review once said of William and Mary, my alma mater, that it's "where fun goes to die." And I don't know why, but for some reason that makes me really proud!  With the exception of Spencer, graduating from W&M is my most proud accomplishment.  I can't promise what I'm about to write next is true because I don't remember, but my mom promises that I called her crying the first week of school telling her that I wasn't smart enough to be there and that they must have made a mistake when they let me in.  Chances are, I just blocked that memory clear on out of my head! 

Kappas on Graduation Day 2004

Just received my Diploma, which was written entirely in Latin!  

William and Mary diplomas are written in Latin because we are BIG on tradition and that's how it was done back in 1693.  In the Colonial days of yore, English was still considered "vulgar" and "common;" Latin was the language of the scholars.  It all goes back to the real days of Roman yore, when Latin was the language that united all the learned folk throughout Europe.  Diplomas were written in Latin, the common language of all the educated elite,  as a means of ensuring that your qualified status would be recognized no matter where you were.  

Here are a few fast W&M facts:

• Founded in 1693, it's the Nation's 2nd oldest University
• Located in historic Williamsburg, VA
• Ranked #31out of all the colleges and universities, public and private
• Ranked #3 out all public colleges and universities
• Ranked #1 in Best Value Colleges
• Ranked #1 for Best Small Colleges and Universities
• Ranked #4 for Top Public Colleges
• Ranked #5 in Best Undergraduate Teaching- ahead of Yale and Brown
• The average GPA of an accepted applicant is 4.0
• The average SAT 25%-75% score is 1350-1450
• The average Writing SAT score is 620-710
• They accept only 30% of all their applicants
• Home of the first Honor Code- and let me tell you, it's strict!
• Undergraduate Enrollment is 5,850
• Average GPA of a graduating senior- 2.7 (mine was 3.2)
• Founder of the first Honors Society, Phi Beta Kappa
• Madeleine Albright said the International Studies Department was "perhaps the finest in the nation."
• Famous Graduates include, Thomas Jefferson, James Monroe, John Tyler, Henry Clay, John Marshall, John Stewart, Glenn Close, Mike Tomlin, Bill Lawrence (Scrubs creator and writer), Perry Ellis, Robert Gates, Wand Michael K. Powell

W&M gets a lot of flack for having geeky students who spend Friday nights in the library. And while I spent many a Friday night studying, I also had the best college experience I could've ever hoped to have. I made the best friends, both from my freshman hall and my sorority, Kappa Kappa Gamma. I learned so much while being there and I got to meet (meaning I spoke to them and they spoke back to me) fascinating people, including Henry Kissenger and Margaret Thatcher. 

Statue of Lord Botetourt. You always rub his shoe before a big test or final.

It's hard to believe I graduated in 2004- that just seems so long ago!  My years at W&M were some of the best ones of my life and I'm really hoping Spencer wants to go there so I can relive it all vicariously through her, haha!

I Never

• Wake up without hitting the snooze button at least twice
• Sleep with socks on
• Use 2-in-1 Shampoo & Conditioner
• Drive behind a logging truck
• Get on an airplane without patting the outside it three times (by the door when you walk on)
• Have run out of gas
• Eat lobster
• Watch TV without doing something else
• Know when to use who or whom
• Drive in the outside lane when I'm on a bridge
• Have watched an episode of The Simpsons
• Can keep my purse free from junk
• Go anywhere without my camera
• Have or plan on removing the innards of a chicken or turkey
• Go to sleep without kissing Spencer goodnight

A Rose by Any Other Name

I can't tell you how many times I've been asked the story behind my daughter's name.  Many times I'd sit down to write a post on it and then it would somehow end up in permanent draft status.  One of my favorite things about Show Us Your Life is that it gives me the opportunity to write about things that I usually put off for a rainy blogger day.  This week's topic is about how you chose your child's name and/or future names.

I was one of those people that began thinking about my baby names as soon as I could name my dolls.  When I was a little girl I was sure that my future daughter was going to be Natasha!  As I got older I went through phases, but a few things have always stayed the same- the most important being that I didn't want to name my kids any names that were trendy or very popular.  Also, I like unisex names for girls, but not for boys and I think a middle name should be what it is- a middle name, and not what you call your child. (just my personal preference)  In middle and high school my favorite names were Jocelyn, Kayla, Grace, Savannah, and Vivien (yes, that's now my dog's name).  But then I outgrew some of them and the others become too nom de jour.

During my government/politico days, I was unequivocally naming my two daughters (I was only ever going to have daughters, ha!) Reagan and Madison after my two favorite presidents.  This was before Madison became the most popular name in the world.  When I realized how many people had started naming their kids that, I reluctantly decided I couldn't use the name.  I never put too much thought into boys names because, like I said, I was only going to have girls- and even if I did, I figured I'd let my husband do that naming since I'd done all the rest. haha. 

And then I found myself to be pregnant.

When I realized that I would actually be the one responsible for naming my child- it was no longer just "in theory," I was kind of overwhelmed.  I mean, this would be one of the only things that would stay with them for their entire life.  The wrong name and you end bearing the brunt of many a playground taunt.  One of my best friends growing up hated her middle name.  And when I say hate, I mean loathe and despise to the point that her mom even thought about having it legally changed.  She wouldn't tell me what is was for years and when she finally did, after being sworn to secrecy, I couldn't believe that was the name she hated so much.  To me, it was lovely, but to my friend, it was the worst name her mother ever could have bestowed upon her.  I'm sure her mom never thought that when she gave her daughter the-worst-middle-name-that-ever-was, that one day she'd dislike it so vehemently.  This was the story that kept replaying through my mind as I thought about the life long responsibility of naming my child.

I had never been particularly inspired to use family names when I used to think about the monikers for my future kids.  I think it was probably because my name is Katherine Elizabeth, which comes directly from my both of my grandmothers. From the very beginning they decided to call me Katie, which was the name of my great-grandmother.  When I was younger it used to bug me that there was nothing original about my name- it was just a copy.  But when I found out I was going to have a baby, that I was going to be a mother- all of a sudden it seemed monumentally important to me- I wanted the name to have a connection to our family history. Unfortunately, I wasn't all that fond of any of the female names in my immediate family. 

And then I found out that baby wasn't an "it" it was a "she!"  I did a lot of reading and family history research and I came up with two names:  Mayson Elizabeth and Spencer Kathryn.  I didn't tell anyone what my choices were except for my mom and my bestie, Sara.  It's always been my experience that when you tell someone the name of your unborn child that they're more willing to criticize the name.  When I was still in the narrowing down process, I made the mistake of telling some people close to me what my top choices were.  I didn't think that they'd tell me if they didn't like the names... but they did.  And then I could never think of them again without remembering their criticism; effectively ruining any chance that they would become my daughter's name.  Hence why I chose to keep my final two choices to myself.  A lot people didn't like this and I was constantly being asked about her name, but I stuck my guns and I'm glad that I did.

When my daughter was born I still hadn't made up my mind and I thought that I needed to see which name suited her best.  Since we had an extra long stay in the hospital, I had a few more days than normal to make my decision.  I had a really hard time finally deciding because I wanted to give her name that was both unique to her, but also connected to our family.

After three days of being "Baby Girl White," she was now Spencer Elizabeth White.  Spencer was my maternal-maternal great-great-grandmother's name and Elizabeth was my Mema's middle name as well my middle name.  Her initials SEW, obviously spell out sew, and my Mema was the one who taught me to sew, knit, and crochet.  When I was laying there trying to figure out what to do, I kept thinking that this might be the only child I ever have and I want her to share the name Elizabeth with us.  But I'd started thinking that "Mayson" might be too trendy, which was why I switched the names around. To me, her name was the perfect way to give my daughter a link to my beloved Mema who had just recently passed away. 

These days I don't think too much about baby names too often.  Mostly because every time I fall in love with a name it becomes super popular.  But I do have a few that I know I'll use if I ever get married and have another child. WARNING:  Don't Steal My Names or Else! (just kidding.. but...)  If I have a boy his name will be Anderson and call him Andy.  I know Anderson is a little trendy, but I don't care- Anderson is my mom's maiden name and everyone called my Papa "Andy" for short.  Other names I currently like are Finley, Pryce, Marlowe, Ellery, Beckett, and Bennett.

Everything I've learned about naming  a baby has led me to one conclusion:  a name is important, but it's not everything.  Like Juliet once said: "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

** Please pray for my best friend's brother and his wife tonight.  He is the son of my pastor and more like a member of my family.  His wife was admitted to the hospital on Saturday with pre-eclampsia and is currently 25 weeks pregnant.  They were hoping that they'd be able to keep from delivering their son for at least another month, but the way things are looking, they're hoping for just another week now..  You can visit their CaringBridge site

My Mom

 Me, my Mom, and my Mema- the last picture ever taken of us all together.

My Mom has lived in the same town for her entire life;  all of her homes have been within a 10 mile radius of each other and within a 5 mile radius of her parent’s old house.  My grandparents were very strict with her; strict even by the standards of other devout Baptists circa the 1950's.  She was not allowed to go to any school dances, concerts, wear makeup or skirts that were more than one inch above her knee (my Papa often brought out his measuring tape if there was any doubt in his mind). My Mema made almost all of her clothes for her until she was a teenager- then my mom was old enough to get a job and she decided that she'd use her money to buy the clothes she wanted.  Although they weren't really the outfits she wanted since they had to conform to the above mentioned rules.

My mom would tell me these stories over and over again as I was growing up, as if she were willing me to understand how different her life had been from mine. I couldn't believe she was talking about the same people who were my Mema and Papa. I never understood why she always followed every single one of their rules- didn't she ever just want to be herself?  But she never did; my mom was the quintessential good daughter who truly loved and respected her parents.  If they said no, she wouldn't do it. 

Her parents were both larger than life types, with dominant personalities, whereas my mother was more submissive and eager to please.  She never rebelled against them or disobeyed,  always showing them the proper respect.  But she dreamed of one day becoming a mother and doing all the things with her daughter that she did not get to do.

My mom thought she would love her daughter in all the ways she had felt unloved by her mother, and in return, her daughter would love her in the way she had unfailingly and loyally loved her mom.  I think she saw the first crack in this dream when her only daughter, me, informed her at the tender age of two that she didn't want to be rocked to sleep anymore.  She tried for the next week to keep rocking me, hoping it was a one time thing, but I kept telling her no until she eventually gave up trying. A few years later she signed me up for dance lessons and after the first class I begged her to not make me go back.  As a child she'd always wanted to take ballet lessons, something she never got to do.  Naturally, she assumed I would feel the same and be excited about it.  These types of occurrences would happen again, many times over, as I grew up.

As I got older I became very close to my Mema and I could tell that our close bond sometimes upset my mom.  Being the wonderful daughter that I was, I would often flaunt this in front of her. In my mom’s eyes, the relationship she had longed to have with her mother was the one I had with her and the relationship she had longed to have with her daughter, her mother had with me.  I was nothing like the girl she had imagined having; I was more like her mom, minus the uber strict moral code.  My Mema and I, we just had a different relationship- I think granddaughters and grandmothers do, it's just how it is. But to my mom, she didn't have the mother who appreciated her or the daughter.

It was always an issue, especially after my Mema died.  I remember the day that the funeral home gave my mom my Mema's possessions that she'd been wearing when she passed-  one of which was her engagement ring and wedding band.  My mom clutched it in her hand, looking down at the ring she had stared out for a lifetime on her mother's finger. With tears rolling down her face she took a deep breath and handed it to me, saying that my Mema had told her she wanted me to have her ring.  She could have kept it for herself- she loved that ring- but she didn't.  That's not the kind of daughter she was.  My mother always did what her mom wanted and asked her to do and death certainly wasn't going to change my mom from being the daughter she had always been.  

500

And I now have 500 posts!  I really can't believe that I've managed to write that much since I started this blog on September 7, 2008.  I'm usually very good at beginning new projects, it's just the continuing, keeping up with, and the follow through that gives me the problem.  I didn't know what to except when I decided to start writing about our life, but I certainly never imagined I would write 500 posts, or that I'd "meet" so many amazing women.

About a year I was asked to write about my blogging philosophy.  This was my answer:

It should be an expression of who you are, who you want to be, and how you're getting there. Blogging provides a platform where you should stay true to who you are, listening and considerate of others and their opinions, but a place where you're not afraid or ashamed to be truthful and upfront about philosophies, beliefs, issues, ethics, humor, personality, and art.

I write about our world (mine and my daughter's) and I write about our world (the one everyone shares and lives in together). I like to write about things that make me happy, things that outrage me, ways to make a difference- how to do something meaningful, pop culture, figuring out how to be the best mom possible without losing myself in the process, and proving everyone wrong who said my story would be over if I had my daughter.

So on this day, the occasion of my 500th post, I'd like to know your philosophy and tell me something that you like about this blog of mine!  And for your viewing pleasure, here are some links to some past important posts.  Thank you for reading and for sharing your life with me.

My First Post

My 100th Post

My 200th Post

My 300th Post

My 400th Post

Some of my more popular posts: (You may notice that some of them may only have a few comments, but back in the day a few comments was like hitting the mother lode!)

The List

A Mini Rant 

21 Months

Memory Lane Penny Lane

You Are Who You Love

Forget Me Not

Spencer's Birthday Party

Big Girl Shoes

Single Mom

My Ministry

This week's Show Us Your Life is a little bit of a departure from our normal carefree bits about how we live.  Everyone has a secret struggle and often times we hide these fears and painful difficulties. Most of us are all burdened in some way or another and we frequently keep it to ourselves.  I want to be a source of encouragement for those who are experiencing similar situations and I want to show other women that even in our darkest hour, He will not  leave our side. I am a single mother and that is my ministry.

I don't think any little girl grows up thinking she wants to be a single parent, or at least I didn't.  That was something I never pictured for myself- couldn't even have imagined it would ever happen to me.  I grew up in a strict Christian home, went to church three times a week, plus youth group, choir and Bible study and had a very real personal relationship with Jesus. My best friend was/is my pastor's daughter and my boyfriend was her brother- the pastor's son. All I ever wanted was to marry him and have lots of babies. We dated for almost ten years, from the age of 13 to 22, and when we broke up I was beyond heart broken.  I couldn't, and didn't, go to church because seeing him was too difficult for me and I was in college- there were a million other things I could be doing on Sundays besides going to church.  I guess it didn't take too long for me start living completely for myself.  I was angry with God for so many things and it was just easier to hide from Him rather than facing and dealing with everything.

I began dating someone new, someone who was not a Christian.  But he was a lot fun and nothing like my ex boyfriend, which was exactly what I wanted then.  I never planned on us having a long term relationship, I thought he was just my rebound guy.  Or at least that's what everyone told me, I'd only dated one person in my life, so I'd never had a rebound relationship.  But then a few weeks turned into months and then into years.  It started off like smelling like roses and I quickly forgot all about my shattered heart.  And then things changed, the newness wore off, and the real personality emerged. But by then it was too late, I had fallen in love with someone who didn't really exist and I thought if I could just be a better, more perfect version of myself, that I could get him to be who I thought he was. It became an unhealthy relationship and we were quite the dysfunctional couple.  I thought I was in love with him though and I made excuses to myself for why I should still be with him.

And then my life really fell apart.  My beloved Mema passed away completely unexpectedly during my first week at a top tier law school.  Just four months later my invincible, genius, top neurologist in the world, dad was diagnosed with an incurable form of cancer- Non-Hodgkin Small B-Cell Lymphoma, specifically Small Lymphocytic Lymphoma. I couldn't breathe, every second of every day was more painful than the one before it.  I couldn't fathom what God trying to do to me and I became so angry with Him.  My faith had already been on shaky grounds and when all of this happened it became practically nonexistent.

When I found out I was pregnant I was in my second year of law school.  I had worked so hard for my perfect future and my whole perfectly imagined life was in front me.  I had everything to lose and nothing to be gained from having a baby.  (Or at least that's what I thought)  Her father did not want me to keep the baby and for awhile I was miserably waffling about what I should do.  My parents would be devastated and my life as I'd dreamed it would be over.  I didn't choose the easy road.  I could have done what he wanted and gone on about my life as if nothing had ever happened- no one would know and and no one would ever have to think any less of me because I wouldn't have to drop out of law school and become an unwed single mother.  But I couldn't do it.  The chances of me becoming pregnant were slim, like so slim, and I knew that there must be a reason or a higher purpose for this baby that was growing in my tummy. 

I didn't have a decision to make, my baby was my only choice.  The next eight months were the worst of my life.  I really don't even like to think about that time because it makes me sick to my stomach. I'd always been the kind of child that my parents were (mostly) proud of- they were eager to share my accomplishments with their friends/co-workers/anyone who would listen, had impossibly high hopes and expectations for my future, and always pushed me to succeed in everything I did. While my personal life left much to be desired by my mother, she often overlooked it because of how well I did in my educational/professional life. And then it all changed; pride was replaced with shame and embarrassment. It took me my mom months before she was able to go back to church; I had humiliated her and she was ashamed of me.

For the first few months, (5 to be exact) I hid indoors. I only told one other person and basically was cut off from the world. My parents didn't want to tell my grandparents, so I wasn't allowed to go to any family functions. Who knows how long that would've gone if it hadn't of been for my Grandma passing away when I was six months along. There was no way my parents could explain my absence from her funeral, so they were forced to tell the rest of my family. It was their reactions to the news, which were so unexpectedly supportive and encouraging that I think it gave my parents, my mother in particular, a different perspective. My Grandpa said "We lost our girl (meaning my Grandma) but God's given us another one."

But I don't want to give the impression that I deserved better. My mom had invested her life in making sure my dreams could and would come true. Countless hours and thousands upon thousands upon thousands of dollars were spent on my behalf, as an investment in my future. And then I threw it all away as if it meant nothing. My mom now saw her life as a waste, everything she'd done and sacrificed was now worthless. She was devastated and mourning the life she thought I would have. And I understand that because I was also mourning the life I had worked so hard to have. It took me awhile to fully come to terms with the new direction I was on and to say goodbye to the old hopes and dreams. It would have been very different if this hadn't had been something I did to myself, something I chose to do. I made the conscious choice to go ahead with my pregnancy and have my daughter when I could have made a different decision. I could have gone on my merry way, deluding myself that nothing had changed.   But I didn't.  And I thank the Lord daily for my precious daughter.

My church was unbelievably supportive of me, even when I couldn't gather the courage to show my face and walk through their doors.  The ladies gave me a baby shower and my best friend's mother gave the devotion.  The verses she read changed my outlook on everything, as if a blindfold had been removed from my eyes. Psalm 139:13-17:

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!  How vast is the sum of them!

I had been hiding from everyone, but mostly from God.  The only reason I was having a baby was because of something I did wrong; because of a sin I committed.  But out of my sin He created something beautiful.  He formed her in my womb and He saw her and the life she would have before time even began.  This was the beginning, the first of many, turning points in my road to redemption; I stopped hiding and began thanking.

She has changed my life, for sure, but more importantly she's made me a better person.  I used to be very self-involved; I was the axis point about which the world revolved.  Since becoming a mother it's as if the floodgates of my empathy have opened up. I have a new purpose in my life.  It helps me get through the rough days- to know that my daughter is the greatest gift this world has to offer me and I need to be up to the task.  And now that I'm two and half years into this wonderfully unexpected journey, I'm still alive!  I don't see myself as a failure anymore and I hope that any other single mother in a similar circumstance can see that better days are ahead.  I wasted so much time hiding and being miserable because I hated seeing how people now looked at me- and I wish I could get that time back.

One of the most difficult things about being a Christian single mother is that there's not much hope for the kind of marriage I'd always dreamed of having.  I'm still working on that, still trying to trust and believe that all things are going to work out together for good.  But I have good days and bad days and every day presents new challenges as well as opportunities.  I'm working on seeing the opportunities instead of focusing on the obstacles.  I try to be a source of encouragement to other single mothers- to let them know that they can do this! I still have struggles with my faith, but it's something I work on daily. One of the real changing points was last year when I felt I really needed to do something to jump start my relationship with the Lord and I decided I would pray every day of Lent instead of giving up something. I can't begin to tell you the transformation this had on my hardened heart.  I'm still far from where I want to be and I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm getting there, slowly but surely.  Over on my sidebar and in the upper menu tabs you can find links to previous posts where I write about how I've worked through and managed everything, from faith, to finances to family.

Before I had my daughter, before I become a parent- I had no real appreciation for just how precious life is; and now it's something I think about daily.  I am so grateful for my daughter and for how being her mother has made me want to be a person worthy of her. No, this isn't the life I imagined for myself, but having Spencer in my life has made it infinitely better than anything in my wildest dreams.

Go Go Go and Stop

By 11:30am this morning I felt like I'd just ran a marathon.  We got up and went to the grocery store, the drug store, McDonalds and the gas station.  Then there was the making (more like assembling) of two separate dishes from my grocery store purchases, getting showered, appropriately dressed and made up, then doing the same for Spence, loading up all the food into the car, driving twenty miles to drop off Spencer and then back in the opposite direction towards my final destination.  All of that by 11:30am.  I was so focused on getting everything done in time that I never even stopped, never even paused, to think about why I was actually doing all of this.

I walked into the building and found a place to sit- which was difficult because it was jam packed full with people.  I couldn't even find my mom, so I just sat down in one of the arm chairs they put out since all of the regular seating was full. As I sat there catching my breath the cloying scent of too many flowers in a confined space wafted over, tickling my nose and snapping me back to reality.  I was at a funeral.  The second time in two weeks that death had visited someone in my life.

The man who passed away is (was) my best friend's father-in-law.  But he was more than that- he was a family friend and The Best Man to my Maid of Honor.  One week before Sara's wedding, her soon to be father-in-law received the news that would forever change their lives.  He was diagnosed with an extremely rare neurodegenerative disease.  It was similar to ALS in that it would rob him of his ability to move and speak, all while his mind worked just fine.  But ALS has a life expectancy of 1-2 years after diagnosis, while his was 4-7 years.  That might sound like the better of the two deals, but trust me, it's not. All it meant was that he was trapped in his body longer.

A few days before the wedding they gave me the news.  It wasn't something they were ready to share with anyone yet, but I needed to know.  I was the maid of honor and he was the best man- he would climb the steps to the alter and then escort me down them and out of the very large church.  He was worried that he might trip, stumble, or fall in front of everyone- he didn't want to embarrass his son or do anything that might take the focus off of the bride and groom. To the untrained eye it might have looked like he was escorting me, but I was there for him.  As we linked arms on the alter stairs I could see the nervousness in his eyes, I gave him a little nod and squeezed his arm- I wanted him to know that I wouldn't let anything happen.  And it didn't.

He was a good, kind man.  At the viewing last night, the line to greet his wife was over an hour wait; over 500 people came to pay their respects and it took over five hours.  The service today was beautiful, filled with pictures, loving anecdotes and eulogies.  As I sat there in that arm chair all by myself, tears filled my eyes.  I had been going, going, going and now that I had stopped, the sadness of it all just become so real to me.  The unfairness.  He was a very active man- played tennis, ran every day, an avid skier, world traveler, dancer, and a successful owner of his own business.  He was a man's man, a gregarious Southern Gentleman, a devoted father to his son. It's a terrible disease for anyone to have, but it was particularly cruel for a someone like him.  Everything he was, everything he loved to do, it was all steadily taken away from him, with no hope that it would ever get any better.

Sara's son was born a few months ago and I had the privilege of taking some family photographs of them.  Sara's little boy was named after his grandpa, but it was going to be a surprise. In the hospital room I stood to the side as a son introduced his newborn son to his father.  I watched as he told him what his grandson's name was.  I took picture after picture, the flood of tears spilling out of my eyes made it a little difficult for me to see. It was a beautiful moment.  And even though he couldn't move, couldn't speak- the love and pride he felt shone in his eyes.  This is the picture I took the moment he found out the name of his first grandson.

They truly were the only windows into his soul, and they spoke volumes. 

After the funeral was over I was in charge of collecting all the food and driving it over to the post-graveside lunch reception.  I started feeling the urge to Go, Go, Go and accomplish my task.  But then I said to myself, Stop.  Life is so short and so much of it is spent just running through the motions and getting to the next thing all on autopilot. It's hard for me to press pause and savor the moment, but it's something I'm going to try to do from now on.  I don't want to miss the important moments or breeze right through them without realizing that I am.  Sometimes you just need to Stop.

I Resolve

Today's Show Us How You Live topic over at Kelly's Korner is about our New Year's resolutions. Ever since Wednesday when I found my old high school resolutions, I've been thinking about what I wanted/needed to change and improve in myself.  One thing I think about resolutions is that they have to be realistic or else they're easily discarded by the third week in January and never thought about again until the next year.  But they should also be a little challenging, you should have to work for it a little.  One of my favorite quotes is:

The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.

Every time I hear or read those words I'm motivated to become the best version of me.  I think about what I want in the future and what it will take to get me there.  Yes, there are a lot of things that I'd like to become that are completely unrealistic or aren't worth the sacrifice in the long run.  But knowing that it's possible, and not just some pie in the sky dream, to become someone greater than I am today makes me ready and willing to stick to my New Year's Resolutions!

I Resolve to:

1.  Strike a Balance.  I'm more of an all-or-nothing kinda girl and I've found it difficult to correctly balance my school work and "mother work."  I know this was my first year back to school since law school, since becoming a mother, and I knew there would be an adjustment period.  But it's taken a lot more getting used to than I anticipated and I either feel like I'm being a bad mom or being a bad student.  I need to work on this; I want to be a good student and a good mom every day- not a good student one day and bad the next.

2. Maintain my GPA.  I'm hoping that by finding a better way to balance everything in my life, keeping my 4.0 will be easier than getting it.  So much of the first 24 years of my life were centered around making good grades, excelling in school, and being "smart."  I worked for it, but it also came to me easily.  I didn't feel that way this year, and even though I ended up with all A's, it wasn't the easiest of roads to get there.

3. Confidently remember that everything I do is for Spencer.  It sometimes gets me in a funk when I think about how people see me now, as if I'm doing nothing with my life because I've chosen to stay home with Spencer for these first few years. I know differently; this is the most difficult and most rewarding job I'll ever have. Spencer is my most proud accomplishment and being her mother is my greatest privilege.  But I need to remind myself of this more and spend less time thinking about anyone else.  When I'm up late studying for a test and up early in the morning to give her breakfast, I need to remember that I'm doing it for her instead of thinking about how tired I am. 

4. Be Receptive.  I often close my mind to different ways of thinking and fail to really listen to others' perspectives.  I'm polite, but it's more like I'm just hearing the words instead of listening to the idea.  This needs to change.  Even if I don't agree with an opinion, that's no reason to ignore it; at the very least I should be trying to understand it. 

5. Take More Pictures.  You might think that 10,000 pictures is a lot to take in one year, but I want to take more!


And those are my big resolutions!  There are a few more that didn't make it on the list because they're "life" resolutions, things that will never leave the list -exercising more, being more organized, and keeping my car clean.

And those are my 2010 Resolutions! 

I Just Had to Have ...

In my old life I used to have the longest, epic length, Christmas lists, always ready and finished by Thanksgiving. I never expected to receive everything I wrote down I wanted, but that didn't stop me from creating the most outrageous lists you've ever seen. My mindset was ask and ye shall receive, which meant that if I didn't ask then I couldn't receive. I also didn't like forgetting that I wanted something, so my Christmas lists would morph into year round reminders of something I just had to have. I always hated when someone would ask me what I wanted for my birthday and my mind would draw a blank. I knew there were a gazillion things I just had to have, but I could never think of anything when asked on the spot. This probably should have been a big flashing light that I didn't need anything and already had way more than any one person should ever have- but it didn't. Wanting a certain bauble, etc., meant I had something to look forward to, or to work towards having. Things were my reward to myself. (oh, that sounds so sad, I can't believe I wrote it)

And while I'm now embarrassed about those long greedy lists, it turned out that all the stuff I'd been acquiring, and had no real use for, would became a huge part of mine and Spencer's income. Every time we needed money I would sell something that I just had to have three of four Christmases ago, but then never opened or forget I even owned. Now that Spencer is here, I started making two massive lists, one for me and one for her. At least I did. Until this year.

Up until yesterday I hadn't written down one thing that Spencer or I wanted for Christmas! I'd already bought my two big gifts for Spence, and just haven't had the time to really want anything for myself. There were some generic thoughts I had, like some new books and dvds, but nothing specific. My mom emailed me yesterday and said she needed my Christmas list. Well that has never happened, never ever, not once. Usually it's me hounding her, did you get my list, did you get my list? Do you like it? (my mom has not, and will not, buy me anything that she doesn't like or thinks is inappropriate (wine glasses, any kind of undergarments that are more fun than functional, anything that has to do with vampires, the occult, atheism, or demons- yes she refused to buy me Twilight), so her approval was/is a large part of the process). When I read her email, I saw the date and time stamp- December 7, 2009- 10am. My eyes bulged out of my head as I put two and two together- it was December 7 and not only had I yet to make a Christmas list, but I had no idea what I wanted. (Besides my camera, but I'm buying that for myself, I don't want anyone to give it to me)

Who are you and what have you have done with Katie? was racing through my mind. It's not that I particularly liked my old(er) overly materialistic ways, but I get scared when I see how I'm losing more and more of the old me. Even though it wasn't a wonderful characteristic trait, it was still me. And it's not that I don't like me now, but it's a very confining time in my life. I'm a single mother who goes to school and that's it - I don't have time for anything else. I never go out, I see my friends a few times a year, and I can go multiple days without having one adult conversation. And I wouldn't change a thing, I'm grateful to be able to stay home with Spencer and be back in school. But there are some days when I catch a glimpse of myself doing something I never would've done before- and I don't recognize myself, I don't see me- I see a stranger.

That's how I felt when I realized it had been almost two weeks since Thanksgiving and I hadn't even thought twice about Christmas actually being right around the corner. In the grand scheme of my evolution, these lists and all they represent aren't all that significant. But when you combine a few insignificant changes, all of a sudden there's a very significant difference- it just sneaks up on you before you realize what's happened.

Of course it never takes me too long to find loads of things I just have to have, ha! I did some searching and was able to make a respectable list, but there wasn't that thrill I used to have when crafting my outrageous requests, looking for the perfect must-haves. I'm not going to tell you how many things I decided I just had to have this year, or in years gone by, but I did some figure calculations and arrived with this tidbit: I asked for 451% less this year than I did last year and 553% less than the year before that. (I keep all my lists online, that's how I know how many items were on each list)

Four HUNDRED and fifty one percent less than last year.

And let me restate, I did NOT get everything I asked for, not even close. And I knew when I was making my lists I wouldn't be receiving even 20%, but it was fun for me to dream about. Maybe this is me finally growing up and becoming a more mature, not so pie-in-the-sky, life-is-not-a-tv-show, more realistic person. Or maybe I'm finally seeing just how crazy I was about acquiring stuff, how I over indulged my inner Material Girl way too much. Either way, I'm definitely in uncharted waters.

So here are some of my favorite items on my new, much much shorter, much less expensive list. And to emphasize this frugality of mine, ha ha, the most expensive thing on here is only $38! If you are so inclined, click on the pictures and they will take you to the site.

Canon Deluxe 200 Tripod - $33

Solden Scarf in Red from Anthropologie - $38

Tra La La French Holiday Girls Hat - $19 (This one is for Spencer!)

100% Natural Angora Gloves, Handmade, $12 and all the proceeds go to charity

Quilted Damask Train/Cosmetic Case - $22

Smashbox - Wish For the Perfect Pout - a $96 valued set for only $29

The Guinea Pig Diaries: My Life as an Experiment , by A.J. Jacobs - $16.50

My Favorite Books

This week's theme on the Mcklinky Blog Hop is our favorite book. I have a few favoritess- there's the intellectual snooty one, the predictable one, the classic one, the fun one, the motivational one, and the mysterious one. I've read them many times over and have multiple copies of each- in my opinion, a book can't really be your favorite unless it never goes out of style with you.

My Favorite Book

To Kill a Mockingbird

It's my all time favorite book and I can read it over and over again. I've also never seen the movie because, to me, the book is perfect just as it is. My dad gave me his first edition copy when I was in the 6th grade. I started reading it that night and every spare minute I had went to finishing it. This was the book that first made me want to be a lawyer, specifically a pro bono civil rights lawyer; before that I was going to be a doctor just like my father. I know it's technically a book for younger students, but I don't care- I love it, and it really changed the direction of my life.

And the Rest of My Favorites

The rest of these are in no particular order, but see if you can match them to the above descriptors!

Pride and Prejudice

Some of my favorite quotes are from this book.

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."

"Stupid men are the only ones worth knowing after all."

"I cannot fix on the hour, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun."

Savannah Blues

It was the book that made me fall in love with all things old that have a story behind them. It also has the most wonderful take on Southern women and the rules we're supposed to follow.



Gone With the Wind

I first saw the movie when I was in the fourth grade and I made my mom take me to the book store that night so I (she) could but it for me. It took me six months to finish it- not because it was a slow read or anything, it's just that Gone With the Wind has 1037 pages and I was only 10 years old. I've read it many times since then and I still keep hoping that when I get the last pages that the ending will be different...

The Red Tent

I thought I was going to hate The Red Tent when it was assigned to me in my Discovering the Goddess class during my Senior year at WM, but I was so wrong! I couldn't put the book down and I was profoundly sad when I finished reading it, because it was over, and I just didn't want the book to ever end. I've also listened to it a few times on CD and the lady reading the story has the most wonderful, soothing voice.


The Know-It-All

This book will make you smarter while also forcing you to realize that you really don't know anything at all when compared to the amount of information that's out there. The guy that wrote this, also wrote the book The Year of Living Biblically, where he spent an entire year following every single rule in the Bible, including the arcane ones like stoning adulterers, not wearing mixed fiber clothing, and not shaving his facial hair!

And that's a wrap on my favorite books, but I'd love to hear which books are ya'll's favorites. I', always looking for new books to read and finding new things to learn.

Answers to Your Questions, Part One

About two weeks ago I wrote this post and said that if there was anything left you wanted to know, email and ask me and I'd do a question and answer post. I finally got a chance to answer the majority of the questions ya'll sent me, but there will be a part two since this was getting so lengthy! I really enjoyed reading your questions and I hope I've fully answered your questions. Okay, so let's get on to it.

Does your mom read your blog?

No! She knows I have one, but that's it. She doesn't have the address and even if she did, she still wouldn't read it. I just don't think I could be really open and honest if I knew mu mom was reading. Not because I'm hiding anything from her, we speak every day, but there's something different about her reading my written words- it reminds me of all the times she read my diaries/journals in my youth (and then all the subsequent groundings). It took me almost a year of blogging before I even let many of my IRL friends know about this blog. It may sound strange, but I'm much more comfortable with strangers reading my site than people I actually know.

Is Spencer's father around or in the picture?

Um, I don't like to write about him for a variety of reasons- this blog is about our life (mine and Spencer's) and I just don't feel comfortable writing about him in a public manner. So this may have given the impression that he's not in our lives at all. But he's "around" sometimes. She usually sees him when we visit her grandparents.



What kind of camera and lenses do you have?

My camera is Canon Rebel XTi and I shoot with the lens that came with the camera and also a Canon EF 50mm f/1.8 II lens.


What photo editor do you use?

I mostly use Photoshop, but sometimes Picnik comes in handy for small fixes that are more difficult to correct in PS. When I first got my camera I bought Photoshop Elements 6 and learned on that program. For any beginners and self-teachers, I recommend that you start off with a PS Elements program rather than the full blown Creative Suite PS. It's much easier to learn on, has more automatic features, and is relatively inexpensive. I compare it to cameras- your first camera is always a point and shoot. If you like taking pictures, you learn as much as you can from that one before deciding to buy an SLR.

I used PS Elements 6 for about a year and then decided it was time for an upgrade. There was no way I could afford to buy a new PS CS4, but I found a used older version on Craigslist and became the proud owner of Photpshop CS3 for only $75. (And I made sure that it wasn't a pirated version before I bought it, it was the actual purchased program.) I really love the CS3, but if I had bought it first, I would have had no idea what was going on or what to do.


How do you financially support Spencer?

This is a long one, so prepare yourself!

With a lot of help from my parents. We live in my Mema's old house, which is now technically my mom's, so that means I don't have a rent or mortgage payment. I have Etsy and Ebay stores and make money that way. I also do some odd jobs, like photo sessions for people, pet sit, house sit, and do research work for a small newspaper. I'm lucky in that I used to have the Life of Riley and was able to accumulate a lot stuff (combined with the fact that I'm a pack rat, borderline hoarder) that was worth a fair amount of money. When I'm in a pinch I just sell of my belongings! I used to have multiple Coach, Kate Spade, and Dooney bags, plus some Guccis that I picked up in at an outlet in Italy. Now I just have one of each and none of the Gucci bags. Plus I had many ball gowns, size 4 Lilly dresses, sunglasses, and an impressive collection of watches. Most of that is all gone now, I only have one pair of shades, two formal gowns (that I will never wear again, but still can't part with), and my red D&G watch that I bought at the outlet in Italy. But don't worry, I'll never run out of things to sell, I haven't even touched my shoe, coat, or other jewelry collection! So all of that was able to give me quite a nice chunk of change, which has definitely come in handy.

I'd say that a lot of how I manage to stay fiscally afloat is due to spending sacrifices. Gone are the days of hair cuts and colors every 6 weeks, pedicures twice a month, sprees at Target and Sephora, hard back books, and going to the movie theater. I would never say that I do without, because there are certainly so many people out there that actually Do Without, but I do with a whole less than I once did! I now borrow books or buy them used, go to the thrift store, use a ton of coupons, paint my own toe nails and use hair color from a box, watch movies at someone else's house, eat Spencer's leftovers, and wear the same outfits over and over again, Basically, I used to be a Someone Else Do It For Me and I'll Pay You type of person. Now, I'm mostly a Do It Myself or Maybe Not at All type of person.

But in all honesty, it's because of my parents that I can give Spencer this life. I would never have been able to do without them. In the beginning they paid for everything regarding Spencer, from diapers, to organic food, to BPA free bottles. We lived with them for a year and I had a roof over my head, free meals, and access to all the OnDemand movies I could watch! Now, I buy everything Spencer needs and pay many of our bills, but they still pay for her very expensive health insurance and a few other things when I can't swing it all by myself. Let's just say I've racked up a pretty impressive IOU with them!

So how do I support Spencer? Frugal living, selling my worldly possessions, Etsy and Ebay, odd jobs, wise spending choices, and a lot of help from my parents.


How do you pronounce Mema and Papa?

Mee Maw and Paw Paw


I'm also a makeup junkie, Sephora loving kinda girl. What are your favorite must haves essentials?

I'm fairly certain that I could easily spend thousands of dollars in 30 minutes at my personal Mecca, Sephora. I want everything in there! But it's also quite pricey, so I never go anymore unless I'm armed with a gift certificate. For my birthday this year, both my aunt and Spencer's PGPs gave me Sephora gift cards and I got to do some shopping!

One of things I love about that store is their return policy- you can bring anything back, even if it's been used, if you don't like it and exchange it for something else. I've never actually done it, but I find it comforting to know I can, haha!

Okay, so my favorite must have essential items are: Fiberwig Mascara in black, Urban Decay Eyeshadow in Blunt (but Baked is a really good summer color), NARS blush in Orgasm, MAC Fluidline Eyeliner in Blacktrack (but you can't buy MAC at Sephora), and Bliss Fabulous Foaming Face Wash cleanser and exfoliator. Those are my have to haves, or really want to haves! I don't usually wear foundation because my skin doesn't need it all that much, but when I do wear, my favorite is Smashbox's High Definition Foundation in Fair 01. I also really like MAC's Fix Powder, but I brush it on because it can look a little heavy (which is great for bad skin days).


So that's it for round one, if I haven't gotten to your question. don't fret, I will get Part Two out very shortly!

You Have a Question, I Have an Answer and More

In honor of my 28th birthday: I give you a list of the most random 28 things about me that I've never written about before. Since I think I've blogged about most aspects of my life on here, making this list was really hard, I had to dig deep for some of them, ha! Ya'll know almost everything about me, hence the randomness of the list, but I think I managed to do it!

1. I am very claustrophobic. It started when I was on a ride at a theme park and when it was over, both my seat and shoulder harnesses wouldn't open. There was some "mechanical difficulty" and I couldn't get out. To make matters worse, in trying to free me, the ride operators accidentally pushed down on my shoulder hardness too hard- just enough to make it click down a notch and get stuck there, and it very hard for me to breath. The whole incident only lasted around five minutes, but it was long enough to make me forever claustrophobic.
2. Oddly enough, I still love all roller coasters and theme park rides, I'm not afraid to ride anything. But put me in a small elevator, or a large one with a lot of people, and I break out in a sweat- mentally preparing my escape route should something happen.
3. In high school and college I would always wear my glasses when I wanted to be taken seriously at things like Model UN Conferences, job interviews, meetings with professors, traffic court, and whenever I had to give a speech or presentation. (It worked like a charm)
4. I can do a very impressive British accent. During one Model UN conference, I pretended I was from England for four entire days! My team was the UK delegation and my accent ( coupled with an extensive background story, complete with British pop culture, common idioms, and slang) gave us a huge edge over the competition. I never dropped the accent, even when we were in the hotel room, because I didn't want to get out of the habit. And let me tell you, it was HARD to stop talking that way when the conference was over. I thought my friends and family were going to kill me.
5. I get very car sick driving in the mountains, but nowhere else. Well, unless the person driving is an accelerate-break kind of driver, and then I'm a mess.
6. I've never had stitches.
   
7. Although I did have staples for my c-section, but that's it.
8. I'm allergic to almost every antibiotic in existence. One very bad reaction when I was a kid landed me in the hospital on IV steroids. I have to be really, really sick for the doctors to prescribe me one because they don't want me to build up an immunity to the only ones I can take.
   
9. I love to drive. Long road trips all by myself, listening to my iPod, NPR, or an audio book is how I like it.
10. I can still walk on my hands across a room.
11. I had (have) my high school's record for the sit-n-reach. I can also put both legs behind my head.
12. During my teenage rebellious years I pierced my own ears when my parents wouldn't let me get a second earring hole. Once I saw how much I liked the second one, I got brave and did a third and fourth one in my left ear a few months later. I eventually let those close up, but I still have the second holes. And none of them ever became infected!
13. I was grounded for that incident for a LOOONG time.
14. I met James Brown on a trip to New York while eating dessert at the Plaza Hotel. He wore a gold lamé suit and was so nice, he even took pictures with us.
15. I don't like ice cream. I'll eat it on some things, but I never crave it. And when I do eat it, it's only vanilla.
16. I would love to live a small town, with twinkle lights on the trees, and little local shops you can walk to- where there's an actual community instead of suburban sprawl. Let me know if you know where one of these towns exists, please!
17. I love crossword puzzles but I hate sudoku,
18. I know all the of the US Presidents in the order of their terms. When I can't sleep I go through them all.
19. If that doesn't work I name the US states and their capitals by order of their entrance into the Union. Then I do it alphabetically.
20. After watching two of my grandparents suffer from Alzheimer's, I'm terrified of it happening to me. That's why I do many crossword puzzles and mental activities that exercises the brain.
21. My favorite one to do, and the most difficult, is to turn one hand clock-wise while also turning the opposite foot counter-clockwise. So right hand turns right and left foot turns left- and then you switch them. It took me awhile to be able to do it!
22. I am a firm believer in high thread count sheets. They are a little costly, but they last forever and get better with age. I never buy anything less than 500, but I prefer 800. It's the one real luxury I allow myself these days.
23. I didn't have curly hair until I was around 8 or 9 years old. Before that it was stick straight and would NOT even hold a curl. I could sleep in rollers all night long (which I did many times) with loads of hair spray, and within two hours it would be straight again. Then it just changed, becoming a frizzy mess first, then wavy-ish, and finally curly.
24. And then after all those years of wanting naturally curly hair, it happened; which of course meant I wanted straight hair again. I shudder to think of all the money and hours I spent over the years on straightening products and hair straightners- trying to tame my super thick, very stubborn hair into submission, before finally embracing the curls.
25. I've gotten 3 speeding tickets, the last of which was my senior year of college.
    
26. But I've never successfully been convicted of speeding. I appealed my way out of one and for the other two I found legal technicalities to argue my way out it. For one of them I requested the police officer's radar calibration records and it turned out he hadn't calibrated it at the beginning of his shift. I probably wouldn't have gone to such great lengths if it weren't for the fact that my mom said she'd take me off of their car insurance if I ever got a speeding ticket on my record.
27. I have never found a four leaf clover.
28. And finally... When I first watched The Wizard of Oz (age 4) I became terrified of becoming a "dwarve," ( a dwarf, or little person) as I called it. I thought I would stop growing and be like the Munchkins. For at least a year, every night, I'd make my mom promise me that I wouldn't stop growing , that I wouldn't be like the Munchkins.

Whew, I am tired- if you made it through that list I'm pretty impressed. I've been thinking about doing a question and answer post for a long time now. So if this lengthy list of Katie Randomness didn't answer your question for/about me, please ask in the comments! I'll answer all your questions in a post later on this week. Since there are some things I just don't write about on this blog, if I don't feel comfortable with a public answer, I'll send it to you in an email. So feel free to ask all those questions you've been wanting to know :)