Routine or Rut?

On the days that have me questioning my sanity, the thing that gets me through the day is my routine. Don't get me wrong, the monotony of it sometimes makes me batty, but on the whole- it usually gives me peace of mind.

This is how our day goes.

• Somewhere between 7 and 7:30am: MAAAAMAAA! I have about two minutes to respond before she climbs out and uses her little pointer finger to open my eyes. We cuddle for about 5 minutes before she's off an running.
• 7am- 8:30am: I give her a juice box and some dry cereal while I make her breakfast, either eggs, waffles, or a smoothie. The she gets a sippy cup of milk in her playpen while she watches HI-5.
  
• 8:30am-11am: I eat something for breakfast, get dressed, check my email, etc. Then we go outside and play.
• 11am-12pm- I watch The View, Spencer eats a mid-morning snack and plays inside.
• 12pm-1pm- Back outside to wear out my tot, then lunch- almost always a grilled cheese and apple slices.
  
• 1pm-3pm- Spencer NAPS. Ahh, sweet peace. I write on my blog, surf the internet, read, nap. Many days I spend at least half the time cleaning up the mess Spence has made during the day. Of course there's also the occasional, piss me off, doorbell ringer, who wakes her up and throws off the whole schedule.
• 3pm-5pm: More snacks and juice. We do reading time right after she wakes up, because she's much more willing to calmly sit in my lap while I read to her. We watch some Spencer TV and then go back outside to play. (Can you tell we spends lots of time trying to expel her endless supply of energy?) This is when I also run any errands.
  
• 5pm- 6pm- I make dinner and she eats. I usually don't get to eat until after she's already gone to sleep.
• 6pm-8pm- Watch Reba (I know people!), clean up some more, get baths, get her dressed for bed.
• 8pm- til?- Spencer gets her last sippy cup of warm milk and I rock her to sleep. This is my favorite time of day, or night, with her because she lays on my lap and strokes my face. She likes our faces to be touching, and she won't go to sleep unless they are. On a good night it takes 15-2o mins, on a bad night she'll fight sleep for over an hour. Then I put her to bed, gently- very, very, very gently.
• ?-?: Katie Time! Well, I only have one hour at first. Every night, exactly one hour after Spencer goes to sleep, she wakes up and looks for me. As long as she can see me, she lays right back down and falls asleep, but if I'm not there... we go through the whole get-her-to-sleep process all over again. So I always make sure to be where she can see me whenever that hour mark is up.

For the rest of my evening I eat dinner, watch tv, study (more about that later), catch up on blogs and celebrity gossip, online shop, read, chat with my college friends, or sleep. Saturday night I fell asleep at 8:45pm. Embarrassing! I usually go to sleep somewhere between 12am and 1am. If I don't get at least 6 hours of sleep, you better believe I'm taking a nap with Spencer.
So what about you- do you hate routines or do you cling to them for your sanity?

A Helping Hand

Please pray for Emily and her family she is a toddler with a brain tumor who is going to be an angel soon. Her family has opted not to prolong treatment since there's no hope. They're spending these last few days together, trying to cherish each moment.

Spring Cleaning

Today was Spring Cleaning Day, out with the old and in with the new. My job in this process, and it was a pro-freakin'-cess, was dishes. I washed dishes for 6 hours. So now, while my back is aching and my feet hurt, at least I can say all my dishes- every last one of them, are clean.

See, I don't have a dishwasher. Well, that's not entirely true, I'm the dishwasher. And that means that I had to wash everything with my two, now very pruney and wrinkly, hands. I went through 4 sponges and almost an entire bottle of dish washing soap.

One of the reasons I needed to do all of this was because I was incorporating my dishes with a bunch of my Mema's. Up until now they were just sitting in boxes, but I decided that I was ready to bring them out. And woweeeeee! Did she have some super cool ones!

Now, I am the proud owner/user/displayer of some great retro pieces. My favorite one is a teal pot followed closely by the cast iron skillet. Yes, I know not to use soap on it. I'll take some pictures of them tomorrow so you can see how great they are. Tonight I'm just too tired- I'm going to crash early while I watch the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency.

I hope ya'll had a great weekend! Oh, and how about those Tarheels?!! Final Four!

Extreme Blog Makeover

So what do ya'll think about the new look? I have to say that I'm in love with it and I think Jennisa did a fantastic job! I think I'm still in shock though, I can't believe this is my blog.

But it is!!

Memory Lane, Penny Lane

Today would have been my Mema's 80th birthday. My mom, Spencer, and I are going to the cemetery to put the pink and blue hydrangeas that she loved so much on her grave. Well, actually in the vase on her grave - such strict rules these places have now!

While I still am shaky on my faith (but I'm working on it) I have always believed that when I'm talking to her she is listening. I miss her every day. I don't think it's just a coincidence that her dog we inherited is Spencer's best non-human friend. But then again, I'm always on the look out for "signs" from her, something that shows me she's watching over us.

I'm the brat in my family- everyone else is mild-mannered and obedient. Even though she got on me for my smart mouth, she was also my ally. She loved me and she was proud of me. She's been gone for three years now, but there are still so many times that I say to myself "I need to call Mema, she'll know the answer," only to remember that I can't.

She taught me how to sew, how to knit, how to crochet and even how to properly iron pockets inside of the pants. I never had a store bought Halloween costume because each year she always made mine and they were AWESOME! I always won best costume at every party.

She was a proud breast cancer survivor, a generous donor, an unfailingly loyal wife. She was June Carter Cash's BFF in high school, she was my BFF for always. When my Papa first moved to Richmond he saw her walking down the street as he drove by. He stopped, rolled down the window, and said "I'm gonna marry you one day." She thought he was crazy, but by the time she got to her house, he was already there, asking her father if he could court his daughter.

She was beautiful. She was also smart. Even though she never went to college, she was excellent with numbers. While working a full time job she also did taxes for many people. She saved her money and was an excellent investor. She firmly believed the only safe way to invest money was long term and low yield. All of her stocks were blue chip, because she preferred earning only a penny rather than losing a dollar.

She took care of my Papa for four years while he became a shell of his former self due to Alzheimer's Disease. When she finally had no other choice but to put him in a nursing home, they told her they had never seen another patient as far along as he was being admitted for the first time. She hated having to leave him there, even though she spent every day, hours upon hours visiting him. She did his laundry, ironed all of his clothes (even his handkerchiefs) and cut his hair. When I asked her why she spent so much time making sure there were no wrinkles in his pants, making the crease perfectly even, and the handkerchiefs in four perfect squares, she said "Your Papa would be mortified if he knew he was walking around in wrinkled pants! And it's just good taste to have neat handkerchief!"

 

She was a Godly woman, a virtuous woman. She read the Bible everyday and never missed, or was late to, any church service. I sat beside her in church every Sunday, from the time when she gave me Werther's Originals and let me draw on her bulletins, to the time when she let me takes naps on her shoulder, shielding me so my mom wouldn't see me asleep, to the time when she would ask me what chapter of the Bible we were on because she couldn't hear what the Preacher said.

I'll never forget the time she gave me Ruth Graham's autobiography as a random gift one day. She was so nervous because she didn't want me to think she was giving me the book because I was doing something wrong in my life. She had read it and thought it was a great example of a Godly woman who was also strong and independent. I still have the book, it's always in my nightstand drawer.

I don't think it's humanly possible for me to convey how much she influenced my life, how much I love her, or how much I miss her. Her death was so sudden and so shocking, and for some terrible reason that day is one that I can't forget. I'm pretty good at blocking out bad memories, mostly because I'm not good at dealing with them, but everything about August 28th is etched into my brain. It's the day I lost my ally, my friend, my problem solver, and in some ways, my faith.

Every year I go to her grave on her birthday and sing to her. I tell her how I miss her snarkiness even though she would have no clue what snarky meant. I ask her to try and make sure I don't forget her stories and her life- because I want to share them with Spencer. Every year I cry a bucket of tears and wish I could hear her say "Get a hold of yourself! A lady doesn't weep in public!" Then I laugh and think about how lucky I was to have her for 23 years, how grateful I am for all she taught me.


Not a day goes by that I don't think about my her. Spencer has her middle name and when she's old enough, I can't wait to tell her all the stories about her Great-MeMa. So Happy Birthday, I'm sorry I shared with the world your real age! I Love You Always.

Four Inches Later

I got a hair cut! I'm in such a good mood! It was the first time my locks had been lopped off since July. EIGHT MONTHS!

Spencer's MiMi was kind enough to treat me to this dee-light-ful and much needed trim AND she watched her while I was being attended to. It does not get much better than that.

So here, is my after picture- sorry for the webcam, low quality picture. What do you think?

Shake It Like a Polaroid Picture

When I was pregnant with Spencer, I spent hours upon hours researching the best DVDs, CDs, and books that would make my little Mango a Baby Genius. I think I own almost every Baby Einstein DVD that ever made. She also has a ton of Baby Genius DVDs and a gazillion other make-your-baby-smart ones.



I started playing them for her when she was around 1-2 months. It didn't bother me that she didn't pay attention, because what baby that young does? When she was about 4 months old and she still refused to watch any of the "smart" DVDs I started to get worried. Doesn't every child love Baby Einstein? But while she refused to watch what I wanted her to, she sat still and paid attention to The Gilmore Girls, Alias (reruns on TNT) and Dancing With the Stars.


For Christmas that year, my mom got her That Baby DVD which changed our lives. It's a music video of popular songs danced to and acted out by toddlers and preschoolers. She danced and laughed and would stop crying every time I put it on. Each time I tried to trick her with a BE video, she would become hysterical until I put on her show.



That Baby DVD worked its magic for a long time, but by the time she was 9 months old, she was onto That 70's Show. I know what you're thinking, "what type of mother lets her baby watch that kind of tv?" But I was game for anything that held her attention for 5+ minutes. You try watching the exact same 30 minute DVD hundreds of times and I promise that you would let your kid watch anything.


Since she turned one, we've gone through several tv show stages; The Backyardigans, Reba, and HI-5. She refuses to watch any kind of regular cartoon or Sesame Street. This past week we stumbled across a new show, are you ready for this one?


Hip Hop Harry


I have never seen her have such a reaction to a show before. She becomes engrossed, trying to imitate the dancing moves they are doing. She waves her arms back and forth and dances as if was at a reggae concert. It's hilarious to watch and I've tried for days to video tape her doing it, but each time she sees the camera she sits down and pouts. (But I'll keep trying!)



It's hard for me believe that after all the time and effort I put into trying to make her the next Marie Curie or Sylvia Plath (minus the depression and suicide) that she picks Hip Hop Harry to watch. But it also makes me laugh, because she's being herself and doing what she likes. That's amazing to me- she's her own little person!


I blame myself for her dancing up a storm, as I laid the foundation for it when I was pregnant. I watched So You Think You Can Dance when I was her incubater. When the music would start I could feel her boogying in my tummy. After she was born we continued to watch. As Sabra became the first female winner of the series, I proclaimed Spencer as the next Cyd Charisse, the next Julie Kent, and the next Anna Pavlova all wrapped into one.


I guess SYTYCD and all that in utero and newborn baby dancing really did leave an impression on my babe, because she is the happiest when she is grooving to the rhythm. I guess this is the part where I finally admit she's never going to watch Baby Einstein, so does anyone want to buy some new and some lightly used make-your-baby-smart DVDs? Although I have to warn you- your baby will like them or they won't, and there's nothing you can do about except watch Hip Hop Harry. Over and over and over.

Katie-Home-Maker

On Saturday, I went to the grand opening of a local JoAnne's because I had a 40% off coupon. It was a crazy madhouse in there. They even had one of those machines that gives you a number, like at the DMV or deli counter, for the "cutting counter."

I only bought a few yards of fabric, but I was really excited to make something. I hadn't used my sewing machine in awhile, since before Spencer was born, but I contemplated getting it out of the box and setting it up. I decided against it when and I thought about all the potential Spencer disasters that could happen.

I need one of those stands where the sewing machine folds into the table itself- I think that would be the most childproof. So anyway, there I was with my new fabric and no sewing machine. I decided to be brave and work on my hand stitching.

With the exception of a few hems, a few buttons, and a few holes, I hadn't sewn anything by hand in a long time. I thought I'd go the easy route and just make a simple pillow, enough to re-hone my mediocre sewing skills. The beginning stitches were a bit messy and uneven, but I eventually found a groove and it was pretty easy from there.

The hardest part of the entire process was stuffing the pillow! Ugh! Next time I'll just use a pillow form, because I lack the skill in making it evenly fluffy. Besides using a pillow form, does anyone have any good suggestions on how to properly stuff a pillow? I'm all ears.


Here is a picture of my sewn-by-hand, (how bratty does that sound!) pillow! I'm not brave enough to tackle piping, cording or ruffling without a sewing machine, so the boring edges will just have to do for now.

QVC Cup of Tea

Saying that my mom likes QVC would be akin to saying Antarctica is chilly in the winter. She LOVES QVC! For years now, I have been getting these odd "gifts" that are supposed to make my life easier, but I generally have no use for them.

That all changed when she gave me this set of spatulas that are perfect for making grilled cheese sandwiches! It has a serrated edge on one side and comes with a cover if you're not needing it right then. I make Spencer a grilled cheese every day. She has been on soy milk since she stopped breast feeding and I have had a really difficult time getting her onto dairy products.

She won't drink any kind of regular milk, even chocolate milk, only soy. Her pediatrician said it was okay, as long as she was getting calcium from another source- hence the grilled cheeses! It may sound lazy, but I have always been a person who tries to minimize the number of utensils I need because I hate doing the dishes. I always used the edge of the spatula to cut her sandwich into pieces.

I often made a mess of her grilled cheese, especially if the spatula was plastic. But yesterday I decided to try my new kitchen tools and I was pleasantly surprised! I told my mom, "after all these years of junk, you bought something I really like!" She was so happy that I finally complimented a QVC purchase of hers.

During this same phone conversation, my mom puts me on hold to go answer the doorbell. A minute later she gets back on and I said "what did they deliver this time?"
"Oh, just a few things for Easter dinner."
"What do you mean 'a few things?'"
Her reply was one that I don't think I'll ever forget as long as I live. She said "just a ham" all nonchalantly, as if it was perfectly normal to have UPS deliver you a ham.

I was flabbergasted! I said "please don't tell me you bought our Easter ham from QVC?" But she did- she bought our Easter ham from QVC.

I guess in these times of economic hardship, I should be grateful for that ham, regardless of it's vendor, but that's not really me. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful that my family has enough money to be able to celebrate a "proper feast befitting of the Lord's Crucifixion and Resurrection," (her words, not mine) but did it have to come from QVC?

I know you QVC-a-holics will probably not understand what I'm talking about and I'm sorry if I offended anyone else who bought a ham from them. I'm pretty sure that I will make fun (in a nice way) of my mom and her ham for as long as I remember the story, or until she gets really mad at me. I can't be too hard on her, especially since she bought me the best spatula ever!

I have addiction problems with Internet shopping- all those amazing items just one click away, my MeMa had her catalogs, and my mom has QVC. Where do you have a weakness in the world of consumerist shopping? Or do you not? I'm very interested in your answers, because I think there is a genetic component involved. Okay, well honestly, that's what I like to think when I'm justifying an un-needed purchase!

For those of you who are interested, and I hope you're not, you can a wide assortment of hams on QVC's website HERE. And the amazing spatulas, which I hope you are interested in, HERE.

TMI - But Not Too Much

When I was pregnant with Spencer, I worked part-time at a day care. It was probably the worst thing I could have done, because I got very sick during my 8th month. Consequently, Spencer was in distress, and she was born a month early. But that's not what this is about.


While I was working there, 8 months pregnant, one of the teachers stopped to ask me for something. She pulled me to the corner and whispered "Do you have a tampon on hand?"


I cocked my head to the side and looked at her like "huh?" did you really just ask me that? She saw the look on my face and said "Or a pad, either one." I couldn't believe I was going to have to explain this to a teacher.

I said, "Um, I'm pregnant. You don't get your period when you're pregnant." She looked down at my huge protruding belly, saying "Oh yeah, that's right... [pause] so you don't have an old one at the bottom of your purse, or anything?"

At this point I almost felt badly for her, as she was obviously in some serious need of a tampon. But I said, "No, I took them all out. They depressed me." I guess she finally got the picture, because she stopped asking me, but she gave the me weirdest look.

What kind of weirdo finds tampons depressing? ME! Each time I saw one, I remembered the day I thought I was going to need it- but nothing came. Every day after that I anxiously awaited the arrival of cramps, crankiness, etc., and that tampon just sat there, mocking me.

I remembered that my parents hated me, I had no clue how I was going to finance a child, and that I had no idea what I was going to do with a baby. Kind of stupid that a feminine product could jolt me like that, when all I had to do was look down and see my stomach, but it did.

These days I have a love love relationship with my time of the month. I don't curse it, or complain, or dread it's arrival. I'm sure this will change one day, when I want to have another baby- if I want to have another one, that is, but it will be PLANNED! I'll look forward to throwing away the Tampax, instead of crying my eyes out as I threw each one away.

I regret not enjoying my pregnancy, especially since Spencer has brought me so much joy. I didn't anticipate the overwhelming love I was going to feel for her when I was so wrapped up feeling sorry for myself. I wish I could have treasured it instead of being consumed by hopelessness. And I take full responsibility for it- I let other people dictate my happiness, or lack thereof, instead of focusing on the little Mango inside of me (I called her Mango until she was born).

For the most part, I try to block out those 8 months of my life, but sometimes I'll see something that will remind me of them. And now, 20 months removed from the situation, I can laugh at a lot of it. Today, as I bought a box of feminine products, was the first time I remembered that teacher asking me for a tampon. And in the middle of the store, I started laughing out loud.

I'm hoping that will continue to happen- that I'll start to remember the good parts about Spencer's eight months inside of me, instead of trying to forget the entire thing. So what about you, Internet, has anyone ever asked you a really stupid question? What did you say?

Economic Stimulus Coupons

JCPenny - 15% off everything, [exp 3/31] with Coupon Code: SURVMAR9

Borders Books - 25% off the list price for one item, with Coupon Code: IPL1255

Ann Taylor - 25% off entire purchase, with Coupon Code: 10701083

Snapfish - Save $10 off all orders over $25, with Coupon Code: SNAPFISH321

The Children's Place - 25% off Spring Clothes Sale

Kohls - 10% off entire order, [exp. 3/31] with Coupon Code: 3422

Shoes.com - 20% off entire order, [exp. 3/31] with Coupon Code: MSAVE

My Taste in My Movies

I have a deep, deep love for all cheesy 80's movies, especially if there's a music or dance montage theme, and apparently, Spencer shares this as well. Usually, she will only sit and watch something on TV for no more than 15 minutes, then she gets bored and we have to do something else.

That all changed this weekend when she discovered Grease 2, which I had DVRed awhile back when it was on ABC family. I'm not kidding, she watched the whole movie and when it was over she yelled "Gin Mama, Gin" while clapping her hands! She danced and sang (her own special words) and jumped and was totally engrossed with the entire movie.

I have to say, my heart swelled with love! Grease 2 was my favorite movie in elementary school, even more than the original, which I like, but nothing compared to the so-bad-it's-good sequel. This was her favorite part, when they are at the bowling alley.

In Vino Veritas

One of my favorite blogs, Lilly's Life, really got me thinking the other day. She wrote about Erma Bombeck's If I Had My Life to Live Over after finding out a friend of hers had Ovarian Cancer. "What Are We Waiting For?" was the question she asked.

I don't think of myself as overly morbid, although I do think about death a lot more since becoming a mother. I have a living will, but I did that after the Terry Schiavo debacle- as I knew/know my mom would NEVER pull the plug on me and frankly, I don't want to be a vegetable or live in a vegetative state. But I don't have a Bucket List, or anything like that.

As I read some of things Erma Bombeck would have done over, it got me thinking about what I would regret if I died today. Since I know I wouldn't change any of the choices that led me to being Spencer's mom, most of the things were fairly trivial. But I knew right away what I would really regret- and that was saving my all my Italian wine I brought back with me from Italy.

I wrote about it here, but briefly- I brought back seven bottles of wine and gave away five of them. The other two I was saving for the right moment. Well, that was in 2002 and there have been plenty of great moments when I could have poured myself a glass of my GREATLY anticipated vino. But each time, I would say to myself, "No, wait for something even better, you'll be glad you waited!"

One of the bottles is a reserve wine, in a special box with a silk label- it's beautiful. The other is just a regular bottle of red, nothing fancy- I think it cost me 3 Euro. So last night, after seven years of waiting, and for no particular reason, I poured myself a small glass of my Italian wine. And I have to say it was worth the wait. I savored each sip. I swirled and sniffed and did all those things that fancy wine people do. Since I'm no fancy wine person, I felt a tad ridiculous, but who cares?


I'm still waiting on the other one, I'll probably be 60 before I can bring myself to open it, haha. But I'm proud of myself for finally being able to enjoy and savor the moment, for no other reason than living for today and not for an unpromised future. Gilbert Parker once said Tomorrow is no man's gift. And that is so true.

I have a really hard time living in the moment- I'm always waiting for the future or looking at the past. So that's one of things I'm going to work on, enjoying today instead of dreaming about tomorrow.


I'm still not going to make a Bucket List, yet, but I will try to stop waiting and start doing. If you get a chance, read Erma Bombeck's article (I linked to it up top). It's short and really gets you thinking about using the nice hand towels for yourself rather than your guests!

A Tutu and a Dog

Everything Comes in 3's

So I roped into doing this meme, ahem Hayley, and I found it surprisingly difficult to do. In some cases I had a hard time narrowing things down to three and others, I couldn't think of anything. So here it is!

Three names I go by:

• Katie
• MaaaaaMaaaaa
• Rudie Kazoodie

Three names I no longer answer to:

• Buck Wheat - what my mom called me when she was REALLY mad at me
  
• Katie "I Want" White
• Katydid

Three jobs I have had in my life:

• Beverage cart girl at a country club- the most demeaning job of my life
  
• Intern at the V-Department of Education- Special Ed.
• Mail Clerk

Three jobs I would still like to try: (but have no realistic hope of ever doing)

• Secretary of the US Dept. of Health and Human Services, haha- in my dreams
• Professional Problem Solver- I'm really great at solving other people's life problems- just not my own
• Movie critic

Three places I have lived:

• Rochester, Minnesota
• Williamsburg, VA
• Florence, Italy

Three places I have *really* loved:

• Florence, Italy
• Las Vegas
• St. Thomas

Three TV shows that I watch:

• Life
• So You Think You Can Dance
• How I Met Your Mother

Three TV shows I would still watch if they were still on:

• Alias
• Felicity
• Gilmore Girls

Three places I have been:

• Lima, Peru
• Venice, Italy
• Miami, Florida

Three places I would go to in a heartbeat:

• Tahiti
• Africa - Kenya, S.Africa - to visit, but Botswana and Mozambique to teach AIDS awareness to women
  
• An Alaskan cruise - not exactly a "place" because I don't want to go to Alaska unless it's a cruise
  

Three places I would never go back to:

• Trujillo, Peru - Looking out the hole/window by my bed, there was a family living in a house with no roof, a huge HOG, and a completely exposed toilet- that they used. Dirt roads, stray dogs, stomach parasite.
• Lake Okeechobee, FL - Don't be fooled- it's cow country in the middle of nowhere, with fire ants, no water, and no Target.
  
• Charleston, WV - I have never seen a city in the US, where the disparity between the rich and poor, attending the same school, is so great and so in your face.
  

People I e-mail regularly:

• Brandi
• Alexis
• My Mom

People I so wish would e-mail me regularly:

• Stephie
• Sara
• Sara- she gets put down twice, because she's ridiculously hard to get a hold of

Three of my favorite foods:

• Gnocchi Pesto
• Tokyo Shogun (family owned Japanese food) anything
• Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies

Three foods I know I'm supposed to like but I just don't:

• Lima (Butter) Beans
• Tomatoes
• Ice Cream - I'm weird

Three friends I think will repost: (you don't have to!)

• Maisy
• Rachel
• Katie

Three things I dread:

•  Mosquito season - I'm SO allergic and it's just bad
• Humidity - have you seen my hair? In the summer, my dad says it resembles the Wild Woman of Borneo (whoever that is) or Medusa
• Potty-Training Spencer

Three things I am looking forward to:

• Getting my hair cut- first time in 8 months!
• Being able to have a real conversation with Spencer!
• Figuring out what I want to do and starting it!

Everything Comes in 3's

So I roped into doing this meme, ahem Hayley, and I found it surprisingly difficult to do. In some cases I had a hard time narrowing things down to three and others, I couldn't think of anything. So here it is!

Three names I go by:

• Katie
• MaaaaaMaaaaa
• Rudie Kazoodie

Three names I no longer answer to:

• Buck Wheat - what my mom called me when she was REALLY mad at me
  
• Katie "I Want" White
• Katydid

Three jobs I have had in my life:

• Beverage cart girl at a country club- the most demeaning job of my life
  
• Intern at the V-Department of Education- Special Ed.
• Mail Clerk

Three jobs I would still like to try: (but have no realistic hope of ever doing)

• Secretary of the US Dept. of Health and Human Services, haha- in my dreams
• Professional Problem Solver- I'm really great at solving other people's life problems- just not my own
• Movie critic

Three places I have lived:

• Rochester, Minnesota
• Williamsburg, VA
• Florence, Italy

Three places I have *really* loved:

• Florence, Italy
• Las Vegas
• St. Thomas

Three TV shows that I watch:

• Life
• So You Think You Can Dance
• How I Met Your Mother

Three TV shows I would still watch if they were still on:

• Alias
• Felicity
• Gilmore Girls

Three places I have been:

• Lima, Peru
• Venice, Italy
• Miami, Florida

Three places I would go to in a heartbeat:

• Tahiti
• Africa - Kenya, S.Africa - to visit, but Botswana and Mozambique to teach AIDS awareness to women
  
• An Alaskan cruise - not exactly a "place" because I don't want to go to Alaska unless it's a cruise
  

Three places I would never go back to:

• Trujillo, Peru - Looking out the hole/window by my bed, there was a family living in a house with no roof, a huge HOG, and a completely exposed toilet- that they used. Dirt roads, stray dogs, stomach parasite.
• Lake Okeechobee, FL - Don't be fooled- it's cow country in the middle of nowhere, with fire ants, no water, and no Target.
  
• Charleston, WV - I have never seen a city in the US, where the disparity between the rich and poor, attending the same school, is so great and so in your face.
  

People I e-mail regularly:

• Brandi
• Alexis
• My Mom

People I so wish would e-mail me regularly:

• Stephie
• Sara
• Sara- she gets put down twice, because she's ridiculously hard to get a hold of

Three of my favorite foods:

• Gnocchi Pesto
• Tokyo Shogun (family owned Japanese food) anything
• Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies

Three foods I know I'm supposed to like but I just don't:

• Lima (Butter) Beans
• Tomatoes
• Ice Cream - I'm weird

Three friends I think will repost: (you don't have to!)

• Maisy
• Rachel
• Katie

Three things I dread:

• Mosquitos season - I'm SO allergic and it's just bad
• Humidity - have you seen my hair? In the summer, my dad says it resembles the Wild Woman of Borneo (whoever that is) or Medusa
• Potty-Training Spencer

Three things I am looking forward to:

• Getting my hair cut- first time in 8 months!
• Being able to have a real conversation with Spencer!
• Figuring out what I want to do and starting it!

Life and Living

Friedrich Nietzsche once asked:

What if a demon were to creep after you one night, in your loneliest loneliness, and say, 'This life which you live must be lived by you once again and innumerable times more; and every pain and joy and thought and sigh must come again to you, all in the same sequence. The eternal hourglass will again and again be turned and you with it, dust of the dust!' Would you throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse that demon? Or would you answer, 'Never have I heard anything more divine'?

I know for sure that I would do it again again, gratefully. (well, I wouldn't be to keen about the demon part!)

It seems to me that I'm constantly aware of how quickly life is passing me by and how fragile it is. Natasha Richardson died yesterday as a result of a fall while skiing on the bunny slope. The effing bunny slope! That just seems wrong.

I keep thinking of Liam Neeson (her husband) in Love Actually. Do you remember him in it? He played the recently widowed father who struggled with this own grief, but ultimately found comfort in helping his son heal. I remember watching him in that role and thinking in the back of my mind "this is only a movie, Liam Neeson is happily married to Natasha Richardson, don't start blubbering or people will stare."

My father is a neurologist (brain doctor) and when I was a kid (0-7yrs) he was completing medical school and his residency. He saw hundreds of freak accidents involving children that caused irreversible brain damage and death. He was originally going to be a pediatric neurologist, but once I was born, he felt like all the kids that came in were his children. Every single case had a name and a story and he brought them home with him. All the freak accidents he saw - these became my litmus test. There was no diving into pools, jumping on trampolines, ice skating, gymnastics, skiing, riding in a convertible (or any another vehicle that had a soft top) even a pogo stick was off limits!

As I got older and he switched to adult neurology, the forbidden activities list became a little less stringent. But somethings were still off limits- especially skiing and gymnastics. But I wanted to be a gymnast, so I practiced flipping, etc., at my house, in the yard, on the jungle gym. My mom finally convinced my dad that it would be safer if I took some lessons rather than trying to teach myself. I guess you could say that was the beginning of the end for me- when I started doing forbidden activities on the sly.

The first time I went skiing, I was in the 4th grade and it was with the Girl Scouts. And when my dad found out that my mom was going to let me SKI, I don't think my he spoke to her for an entire week. He was so mad, but he was more afraid. When you see bad things happen all around you, it's so easy to envision that happening in your own life and you want to do everything you can to prevent it. I get that now.

During my dark and twisty, dramatic, and tearful adolescence, (I'm being a drama queen) I found a lot of comfort in quotations. I would put on my bathroom mirror, my car visor, the front of my notebooks- they reminded me that other people struggled with the same things I did. There is something very powerful about written words that we pass down over time, that mean something when they're read.
I think this one is appropriate for my mood today:

We cannot banish dangers, but we can banish fears. We must not demean life by
standing in awe of death.

~David Sarnof

While I would love to put a protective suit around Spencer and keep her in a padded room, safe from all harm- I realize that she wouldn't be enjoying life, but fearing it. I can't keep her in a bubble, and that scares me, but I guess that's how life works. You have to realize that you are living every moment of it and try to create something lasting- because for sure- one day we won't be here.

A life of purpose and passion, that is what I want for Spencer. And if some freak accident were to happen to me, that's what I hope people would say about my life. But for today, Spence is asleep, safe and snug in my arms without a care in the world- how great is that?

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Wisdom in the Words

A Trip to Target

The MEGA-Store

I used to go to Target once a week when I was in college. I would aimlessly wander around, convincing myself that I needed another strand of party lights, or I needed the purple sunglasses to match my new, needed, purple headband. Every time I went, I found new treasures that I just had to have- martini glasses with z-stems and post-it notes with K's on them- they whispered my name.

Luckily, I had really amazing friends who were 50% successful at talking me out of buying a lot of useless junk. These days, I have Spencer- who has a 98% success rate!

Yesterday we went to the brand new Super Target, and boy oh boy was I excited. I packed a little bag of goodies for Spencer, in the hopes that it would occupy and mollify her. We walked in and I breathed in that welcoming, "come spend lots of money" new-store-smell.

We always start off at the $1 bins, as there are always cheap kids books and other doo-dads that Spencer enjoys. But not yesterday. Yesterday was not made for me to enjoy Target.

Just as I had started looking at the 50% off toddler rack Spencer decided she did not want to be locked up in a cart. To prove that point she flailed her arms and body, knocking over at least 50 items of clothes onto the floor.

It was like an out of body experience- I was watching myself from above as my child was screaming to get out while I tried to refold all the clothes she had dumped on the floor. I quickly got us out of the clothes department, as there was obviously no safe place for her- safe for the store that is.

Maybe she'll be happy if I take her to the toys- she loves toys- I thought, trying to delude myself. Wheeling her around in the cart, singing her favorite diddy's, we go to the doll aisle. There we had five minutes of peace, as Spencer fell in love with the mini dolls- one Caucasian and one African-American, she held them both to her chest and gave them kisses. Although she was not completely happy until she got me to kiss both of them!

Out of all the dolls there, her favorites were the ones that were $2.50- yea for Spencer thriftiness! Once she seemed interested in her dolls, we left toys so that I could peruse all the wonders the new Target had to offer. I didn't know the layout of the store and I accidentally walked by the Easter display.

When she saw all of the pastel colored candy and the lady handing out chocolate "grand opening" treats, she became fixated on getting some, and when Spence wants something to eat, she says "Mmmmm!" I tried to ignore it, after all, she had a granola bar in her hand, and I quickly tried to get us away from the seducing chocolates and pink peeps. But the "Mmmmmmmm, Mama, Mmmmmm" got louder and louder and until finally I took her hands in mine, looked her in the eyes and firmly said "No! We are not having any Mmmm."

You'd have thought I told her the world was ending, as the crocodile tears began spilling out of her eyes and her wail could be heard throughout the gargantuan store. Ugh, I was one on of those parents- the very kind I had looked my nose down on before becoming a mom. The one who can't control their child and ineffectually handles public tantrums and outbursts.

I raced to pick up the one item I actually needed to buy, no really I needed it, got in the check out line and waited for my the cashier to ring up my items. Grand Total: $9.88.

$9.88

I am very certain that I have never before walked into Target and spent less than $10. Disregarding her completely inappropriate behavior, she actually kept me on a respectable budget budget. When you can't browse, you can't buy!

When we got home, Spencer got a nice time out- complete with no TV, dolls, or Mmmm. I explained to her in adult language what she did wrong and then I attempted to translate that into "Toddlerese." (It's a real thing, Internet) I'm not sure if she really understood either version, but hopefully some of it got through.

Any tips on controlling toddlers in a store, or anywhere for that matter, without looking like the worst parent in the world? I'm open to all suggestions (except spanking)!

So that was our trip to Target. I don't think Spencer and I will be making anymore tandem trips for awhile!


*Yes, I did get her the dolls, but I didn't give them to her yesterday- I'm not that much of a pushover!