TMI - But Not Too Much

When I was pregnant with Spencer, I worked part-time at a day care. It was probably the worst thing I could have done, because I got very sick during my 8th month. Consequently, Spencer was in distress, and she was born a month early. But that's not what this is about.


While I was working there, 8 months pregnant, one of the teachers stopped to ask me for something. She pulled me to the corner and whispered "Do you have a tampon on hand?"


I cocked my head to the side and looked at her like "huh?" did you really just ask me that? She saw the look on my face and said "Or a pad, either one." I couldn't believe I was going to have to explain this to a teacher.

I said, "Um, I'm pregnant. You don't get your period when you're pregnant." She looked down at my huge protruding belly, saying "Oh yeah, that's right... [pause] so you don't have an old one at the bottom of your purse, or anything?"

At this point I almost felt badly for her, as she was obviously in some serious need of a tampon. But I said, "No, I took them all out. They depressed me." I guess she finally got the picture, because she stopped asking me, but she gave the me weirdest look.

What kind of weirdo finds tampons depressing? ME! Each time I saw one, I remembered the day I thought I was going to need it- but nothing came. Every day after that I anxiously awaited the arrival of cramps, crankiness, etc., and that tampon just sat there, mocking me.

I remembered that my parents hated me, I had no clue how I was going to finance a child, and that I had no idea what I was going to do with a baby. Kind of stupid that a feminine product could jolt me like that, when all I had to do was look down and see my stomach, but it did.

These days I have a love love relationship with my time of the month. I don't curse it, or complain, or dread it's arrival. I'm sure this will change one day, when I want to have another baby- if I want to have another one, that is, but it will be PLANNED! I'll look forward to throwing away the Tampax, instead of crying my eyes out as I threw each one away.

I regret not enjoying my pregnancy, especially since Spencer has brought me so much joy. I didn't anticipate the overwhelming love I was going to feel for her when I was so wrapped up feeling sorry for myself. I wish I could have treasured it instead of being consumed by hopelessness. And I take full responsibility for it- I let other people dictate my happiness, or lack thereof, instead of focusing on the little Mango inside of me (I called her Mango until she was born).

For the most part, I try to block out those 8 months of my life, but sometimes I'll see something that will remind me of them. And now, 20 months removed from the situation, I can laugh at a lot of it. Today, as I bought a box of feminine products, was the first time I remembered that teacher asking me for a tampon. And in the middle of the store, I started laughing out loud.

I'm hoping that will continue to happen- that I'll start to remember the good parts about Spencer's eight months inside of me, instead of trying to forget the entire thing. So what about you, Internet, has anyone ever asked you a really stupid question? What did you say?