Three

I don't know what to write.  My baby turns three tomorrow- well technically, she turns three at 5:24pm, but that's being a tad precise.  Here's what I do know:

1.  I spent 8 hours making, icing, and decorating 70 cupcakes.
2.  My feet haven't been this swollen since July 9, 2007.
3.  Spencer let me rock her to sleep tonight.
4.  I have never loved her more than I do right now.
5.  I will love her even more tomorrow.
6. And more the day after that. (I think you get the picture)
7.  I had some wonderful conversations tonight and I have never been so profoundly sure that this was the life meant for me.  I took a good long look at who I would have become had it not been for Spencer, and the picture was not pretty.  Yes, it may have looked shiny, glamorous, and enviable- but it would have just been a Monet.  And an empty Monet at that. I would not have become a person worthy of my Spencer.

A lot of this blog journey of mine has been about finding myself again- regaining my former "glory," if you will. But I don't think that's what I want do here anymore- I want to celebrate who I am now; the mother and woman that I am!  I'm sure I'll still have my woe is me days, don't get me wrong!  But when I started this blog and titled it My Story is Not Over- in my mind, it kinda was over, and I was trying to do something, anything, to get "me" back.  But today, as my daughter turns three years old, I can confidently, joyfully, and with all the belief in my heart, say that my story really isn't over. How lucky am I?

Spencer Elizabeth,

I love you more than all the stars in the sky, the grains of sand on the beaches, and all the diet coke in the world.  But I am not a poet, so I will let ee cummings finish this for me:

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Love,

Mommy