Becoming Jane

It’s Saturday night and I am sitting in “my room” at the ggp’s house. I am sitting in “my room” crying my eyes out all because of Becoming Jane, the movie with Anne Hathaway. Like I said before, I am one of those dorky educational types. My overall knowledge is more of the jack of all trades, master of none type, in that I seem to know a little about a lot. The story of Jane Austen is one that falls into that category. I knew that she was famous while she was alive, that she died fairly young, and that she never got married. I knew all of this going into the movie, but I honestly thought that it was going to be a movie that was more loosely inspired rather than autobiographical. I was happily enjoying the movie until it hit me, this movie was not going to end well, AKA, Jane Austen’s life was ironically tragic. I don’t want to do an entire movie recap here, so I will just say that I found the saddest part to be when they said that it’s a universal truth that good endings don’t happen to good people.

I was trying not to openly weep in front of everyone but that attempt was futile. I think the reason it made me so sad was because that is what I fear the most- not having a happy ending to my story. I make tons, millions, billions even, of bad choices. I’m pretty sure my epitaph at this particular juncture of life would be “Here Lies Katie, She Made Bad Choices.” While I acknowledge this truth about myself, I also think that my bad choices are usually made with good intentions. It’s the unintended consequences of those choices that seem to get me in trouble. The one thing that I have always wanted in/for my life is “to live happily ever after.” Not living HEA, is one of my biggest fears, shortly after burning in the fiery pits of Hell for all eternity.

The place that I am in in my life right now is not one that I have directly chosen for myself. It’s a place that I have indirectly stumbled upon. I’m just scared that no matter what choices I make in life, no decision I make will result in happily ever after.