I Never Appreciated It!

For as long as I can remember, I have always struggled with my body image. This is probably due to the fact that I looked like this during my "ugly years." I eventually outgrew my chub, but not before I acquired some pretty serious body issues.


My weight fluctuated over the years, never by too much, but enough that I always thought of myself as having to "watch what I ate." I would not say I had an eating disorder, per se, it was more of eating disorder flare ups. They would occur whenever I gained a few extra pounds and I felt the need to quickly lose some weight.

It didn't help that I was a cheerleader in high school, where everyone is looking at your body. Then I went to a College where it seemed every other person had an eating disorder of some sort, probably because of all the control freak, type A personalities.
Since I've had Spencer, my body is just not the same. I haven't actually gotten mentally prepared to undertake this mission, but I plan on a return to my formal self by my 28th birthday. But what gets me SO MAD, I mean really FREAKIN' MAD, is that I was SKINNY!

I remember when these pictures were taken, and I recall both times worrying that I was going to look fat in the pictures. I look at them now, and I think I was TOO thin- what in the name of all that is good and holy, was I thinking? It makes me sad that I wasted to much of life devoted to worrying about how much I weighed. I was never once please with how I looked, I always thought I could be smaller.

These three pictures below were all taken in Italy, the summer I studied there in 2002. There I was in the food capital of the world what I recall most about that trip was all the different ways I tried to avoid gaining weight.

____

If only I had been able to enjoy being skinny when I was skinny. Instead, the exact opposite happened- I made myself miserable worrying about my figure, always being afraid a guy wouldn't like me because of my inner thighs that touched. Looking at all these pictures has taught me a lesson- it's actually a quote I love, but never really stopped to think of how it applied to me.

"Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.

Omar Khayyam

Now that I'm nowhere near as thin, skinny and pretty as I once was, I have resisted taking pictures of Spencer that include the me. I don't want to ruin the picture and I don't like having to see that I'm not the girl I used to be.

But, I'm starting to see that's just my pride. I need to enjoy each moment of my life, otherwise it's just going to pass me by. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself, ages 14-23, STOP it, you are skinny! You might be too skinny! You are wasting these precious moments that you will NEVER get back!

Spencer, age 3 weeks

I never appreciated myself and that makes me very sad. So I'm posting the few pictures I have of both me and Spencer. I'm sure one day, 10 years down the road, I'll be kicking myself again for hardly having any pictures of me and my daughter during her first year. I've been so consumed with how much I hate the way I look now, that I've let it adversely affect the most important thing in my life. And I know that this isn't just because NOW I actually do have a weight problem, because I was the same way even when I didn't- I just took my pictures.

Yes, I recognize these two don't exactly go together, but I think the color complement each other. The first picture was taken in July, we were out to eat with some friends and someone, sans permission, took a picture of us. The second picture is of my William and Mary Goochies, who drove hours to spend the day with us, even though I was complete post-surgical mess and no fun. I really have the most amazing friends! Spencer was 3 weeks old.

Oh, just gazing at my beautiful babe, once again, caught off guard. The second one is with my Grandpa; it was taken the first day he got to meet Spencer. He was in a nursing home and was very sick when she was born. He wasn't healthy enough to see her until she was three months old. It was a really special day, one I'll never forget- he was my only grandparent alive when Spencer was born. He died this past February.

Spencer and me at her fist birthday party

This is the most recent, I took it on my laptop last month.

I think everyone has their "thing" that they think will change if only "x" happens. Mine was always, "If only I was 5, 10, 15lbs thinner, everything in my life would fall into place." I could justify every problem with that excuse too, for example, I used to say, "I could have made a much better grade on that paper if I hadn't had to exercise for so many hours the day before." That's just a silly one, but I did it for everything.

No more! This year I'm going to try to get back to the old me, but a new old me. One that appreciates all my body has been through. I'm excited! I think part of the reason I've been so slacking on getting back into shape is that I've been dreading the idea of returning to that lifestyle; where every waking moment is spent on thinking of ways not to eat and if I did eat, how I was going to get rid of it.
So here's to being happy with who you are, the way you are. I know I'm ready to be happy with myself, I've been waiting about 27 years!

Happy New Year!

Welcome 2009! I am so hoping this is going to be a good year. I generally get all nostalgic on this night, but I'm just not feeling it this year. Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin are what I am most looking forward to tonight.

Today, me, the PGPs, and the PGGPs all went to Chuck-E-Cheese for lunch and the subject of New Year's Resolutions came up. I hadn't really thought about it, to be honest, which is pretty surprising considering I usually know what they are months in advance.

I am a firm believer that resolutions, like birthday wishes, should be kept private. So I'm keeping the important ones to myself, but how boring would I be if I didn't post any resolutions? VERY!

Katie's Semi-Important 2009 New Year's Resolutions

1. Start school in September- either as a teacher or a student, but it's time to make a decision.
2. Reupholster the two chairs in my living room
   
3. Take a sewing class
4. Do a better job of cataloging my photos
5. Try to get back some of the "spice" I had before a became a mom
   

Quick question for all you non-East Coasters: Do you celebrate the New Year when the ball falls in NYC, or when it turns 12am in your time zone? Also, if you wait for your zone, is there any local ball, or something like it, that marks the beginning of the new year?

I keep adding to this post as the night goes on, sorry about that, but I just saw Dick Clark on ABC and I burst into tears. I was flipping around channels and there he was. I've seen him speak since he had his stroke back in 2004, but it still gets to me. I just think it's so brave of him to get out there and keep on living. I know he does a lot of what he's doing now, speaking engagements and such, in order to show other stroke survivors that their lives aren't over. Oh, and I hate the Jonas Brothers.

I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year's Day and an even better 2009!

With the Baby Daddy "In-Laws"

We are spending the next two night with the PGP's and the PGGP's. I really love hanging out with them because I feel like I'm with my grandparents when I'm around them. Tonight we watched a Big Love marathon, with all of the sex scenes on fast forward, of course! I also got a chance to work on my scarf that is taking me forever to finish! Hopefully by tomorrow I will be done with almost all of the crocheting, and then just a little finishing touches.

I had never watched Big Love until today, and I really am liking it! I am fascinated by LDS culture. I really love how family oriented they are- I think it's such a wonderful thing. I'm not trying to lump all LDS together, or stereotype, I just mean I think it's lovely how important the familial unit is to them.

Growing up in a fundamentalist Baptist family, church was a huge part of my life. Since the time I began questioning my faith a few years ago, the thing I have missed the most is the sense of community that comes along with being an active member in the church. I still go to church, but I feel something missing. I miss being able to pray at night and really believing my prayers were going to make a difference.

If anyone in this area knows of a good church to attend, let me know. I want Spencer to have a church family, and I want to believe the way I used to believe. Back in the day, I used to constantly say this quote to myself each morning; "I may not know what tomorrow brings, but I'm certain of who brings tomorrow."

I want to meet a nice guy who believes the same type of things, or at least some of them. I need someone who can inspire me, both spiritually and intellectually. I want someone who is going to drag me out of bed of Sunday morning and say "Woman, we are going to church!" Okay, that part was an exaggeration, no one calls me "woman" unless it is "Pretty Woman."

Who knows how this post digressed into this, but what the hey, it's my late night stream of consciousness. I find that when I write at night, I tend to be more honest with myself, so we'll see how this works for the next week, and then I reevaluate. I hope everyone had a great first day back work!

Goodnight Internet, until tomorrow!

Christmas Pictures

Just a few pictures from Christmas

Spencer Decorates the tree.


Before the Christmas "Pageant," if you can call it that, which I doubt. Baby was the lamb, in case you couldn't tell.


Wasn't she a cute lamb?


The Christmas Fire.



The spoils of Christmas.

The Beautiful Face of Christmas

I guess it's fairly obvious that there have been more tears than smiles, but what a beautiful frown she has!

My First Christmas Dish

Since I spent over a month writing about Christmas before it happened, I'm sure I'll be writing summaries about it for the next month. But I had to share this with you tonight: My Jello Salad Cake. haha- I made up that name, in case you couldn't tell.

I have no cooking skills, whatsoever. I have tried, but it just doesn't come naturally to me. I can bake, I make a really mean cheesecake, but that's about where my ability ends. Since I had Spencer I've been collecting recipes, practicing a little here and there, just testing the waters a tad. I can't have my kid growing up on fast food just because her Mama can't cook, now can I?

I decided I was going to make a dish for Spencer that she could eat on Christmas. It was my coming out to cooking for the family, if you will. I made a surprisingly delicious jello cake salad, but it was SO good. Spencer devoured it, I mean, licked the bowl clean, literally. I can't tell you how happy it makes me when she likes something I make her.

My Mema always made some type of jello mold for holidays, and since she died we haven't had any. That was how I decided jello cake salad would be the Dish 'O The Day. I used one of her recipes and modified it to make it my own.



Here is my recipe in case any of you want to make it. It was relatively easy and pretty fun to make!



Jello

• 2 small packages of jello, any flavor. I used peach and raspberry
• 2 cups of boiling water
• 2 cups of Sprite or 7-Up
• 3 sliced bananas
• 1 can of drained pineapples
• 2 cups of marshmallows

Topping

• 2 Tbsp of flour
• 1/2 cup of sugar
• 1 cup of pineapple juice
• 1 egg
• 2 Tbsp of butter
• 1 cup of Dream Whip

Instructions

• Mix the jello with boiling water and stir until completely dissolved
• Stir in Sprite and then put into the refrigerator until partially set
• While the jello is setting, mix the bananas, marshmallows, and pineapples in a larger bowl
• After the jello has begun molding a little, pour it over your mixture and stir.
  
• Place in refrigerator until it's completely set.
• For the topping, you are going to mix the sugar, flour and pineapple juice in a sauce pan.
  
• Begin cooking the mixture on medium heat and stir in a beaten egg.
• Constantly stir until it begins to thicken, about 10 mins.
• Once you have taken it off the hear, stir in the butter.
• Let it cool for about 15 minutes and then fold in the dream whip whipping cream.
• Put the topping on your jello, saran wrap it, and refrigerate until you are ready to eat!

I hope you enjoy it!

Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!

I hope everyone has a very merry and very safe Christmas! When you think that you can't take one more moment of forced familial bliss, close your eyes, count to three, and remember all of the people out there who can't be with their families. For me, this is the first Christmas without any of my grandparents.

I lost all four of my grandparents, plus one great-grandpa and great-aunt, in five years. I made it all the way til I was 21 with all four grandparents, and I knew I was lucky. I'm so grateful to have had so many wonderful Christmases, but it really has made the ones without them very difficult. Each year there is one less setting at the table, and in a family as small as ours it's impossible for it not to be a silent reminder of who used to sit there. My mom was an only child and my dad only has one sister, who has no children. Both sets of GP's lived within 10 miles of me for most of my life; they were a constant and I loved it.


My Christmases were the kind each kid dreams about- their whole entire family under one roof for opening presents! Everyone came to me! Well, everyone still comes to me, er Spencer, but now it's just my Aunt. I am glad that this will be our last "first Christmas without ..." for awhile, hopefully!


I can remember those times, just a few years ago, when I thought I wouldn't make it through another second of tv volumes set at ear drum destroying levels, or thermostats set at 80 degrees, or watching my mouth lest I say something offensive, or talking to the blank stare that can no longer remember your name, or breathing a sigh of relief that the day was finally over. What I would give to have one of those moments back again... To have them know Spencer... I can't even think about without turning into a blubbering mess.


No family is perfect, especially not mine, actually I am a large part of the reason our family is so, um, zany! But today, while I am remembering my family in Heaven, I'm going to do my best to take in every moment of the "zany," that is my family And when I can't take one more second, I'm going to try and remember just how valuable this time is we have here and now.


Merry Christmas Internet!

So Busy

Today has just been long, long, long. I am ready to go to sleep, but there is still so much I need to do. We are doing Christmas tomorrow with the paternal grandparents and great-grandparents (hereinafter, P-GP's and P-GGP's) so I'm trying to finish up our presents for them. We went to see Santa today, the "Real Santa" who comes down the chimney, but a series of unfortunate events ended up with us deciding to go tomorrow. Because this is "The Real Santa" the lines are ridiculously long, like 2 hours would be considered a quick breeze through.

All if this rambling means that Spencer, my mother and I, are meeting her other grandma at 8am-to see Santa! It's going to be so freakin' COLD!! She is getting there at 7am to start standing in line.

As much as I am ready for Spencer to open up all of her presents, I love the build up to Christmas, and I'm always sad come December 26, actually I'm sad come Christmas night. I'm always grateful for everything I get, but I can't help it; every year I always feel sad, like I wish I could do it again, and make the whole experience more "Hallmarky." I should be really excited about seeing Santa tomorrow, and I am, but all I can think about is how early we have to be there, packing for the whole day out, and making sure I have all the gifts wrapped.

I just wish I could savor this time a little more than I am. Instead, I end up feeling like everything is a chore and an obligation, rather than a moment to be lingered on and treasured. I guess I am pretty lucky that these are things I have to complain about. I am really excited about our Christmas pajamas! Every year, since birth, I have gotten a special pair of Christmas pjs, and this year- my 27th- is no exception. It's always exciting to me when I can pass on one of my traditions to Spencer, and Christmas pajamas is a VERY important tradition.

What are your Christmas traditions and were there any that carried over from your childhood? Besides the pjs, we also watch Home Alone every Christmas Eve.

Reba and Crocheting

I usually don't blog on weekends, I think of it as Spencer and Katie time, but I had to, today. We are currently watching Reba. Reba is a comedy that is off the air, but comes on Lifetime a few times a day.

Reba is Spencer's favorite show! I don't know how, or why, but she loves it. When we were in NC for those couple of weeks, Spencer and her Great-Gran would watch it everyday, and now it's something of a ritual. When the sun goes down, Reba comes on the television.

I don't have anything against the show, really, but come on! Why can't it be The Office, or 30 Rock, or Friends? I had never even seen Reba until it became my 17 month old daughter's favorite show. So here we are, me trying to finish up the end of of my Christmas presents, a crocheted scarf, and Spencer, eyes glued to the red headed, singing queen of country music, Reba McEntire.

Stores of the Day

Shabby Apple

Super cute clothes and accessories for adults and children. It's like a less expensive, smaller anthropologie.

Organically Hatched

A huge assortment of all different types of organic products for the little ones.

Uncommon Goods

Unique and creative gifts for the home and for you.

Wow Cool Stuff

Nothing ordinary at this store! Really neat gift ideas and stocking stuffers.

Express, Not Repress

I don't know if I have always been the way I am now, in terms of annoyance level. I'm pretty sure that as I've gotten older, or since I birthed a baby, it's easier for trivial things to get under my skin. It's not like I'm a ranting and raving lunatic, but in my head I'm always saying to myself, like,

"ugh, I hate that," or

"ahh, that is SOOOO annoying," or

"that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"

What's even more strange, is that since I had Spencer I've been put my vocabulary on strict censorship- which means no expletives, unless there is projectile vomit or explosive you-know-what, but also no words like "hate" "stupid" "fat" "dumb" or "ugly." But now, I'm saying it all in my head, with a vehemence that I didn't have before. Not being able to express how I'm feeling, when I'm feeling it, "ahh, that is SOOOO annoying!"

This is why I'm going to list all of my current pet peeves. I'm hoping that if I can get it all out there, they won't continue to irk me the way they do. Here's today's list. Oh, and a lot of them are T-R-I-V-I-A-L, and I know that.

1. Discovering there aren't any wipes in the middle of changing a poopy diaper.
2. Getting my yarn tangled and knotty, especially when it's with more than one ball.
3. Television shows running longer than their allotted time, so that my Faux Vo DVR doesn't tape the last one minute, and most critical part of the episode.
4. UPS and FedEx drivers who ring the doorbell in the middle of the day (during Spencer's nap), not because I need to sign something, just to let me know there's something on the porch.
5. This probably isn't a pet peeve, but it REALLY annoys me that I wasn't "worse," for lack of a better term, before I had Spencer. It just stinks that I get the reputation associated with having a baby out of wedlock, which to some (many) makes me "promiscuous," without ever getting to be promiscuous. Not that I want or wanted to be like that, but since that's what people tend to think about me, it really stinks that I have the reputation . Once again, not that promiscuity is a benefit, but I spent years agonizing about it when I could have spared myself a few worry wrinkles.
6. The instruction "salt to taste," or anything like it. I want a measurement- if I wanted to guess, I wouldn't be using a recipe.
   
7. Judgmental advice- Ex. "Do you really think that is the best for the baby? I think this would be better."
8. Political fear mongering
9. Washing machines that break down right before the spin cycle.
10. Packages that don't arrive on time, especially if it was a gift that's now going to be late to the giftee.
11. Slow internet connection
12. Volleyball

That's all that's pressing on me today, but I'd like to know what other moms use as an outlet for their frustration.

A Santa Story

 

Image Source

I am one of those unfortunate, but fortunate, souls who believed in Santa Claus entirely too long. I'm almost too embarrassed to say how long, but here goes... I was 10! Ten years old and I still thought a large fat man traveled all around the world delivering toys to each house as his flying reindeer assisted him in his journey. What's even harder to believe about this is that I knew there was no Easter Bunny, Leprechaun, or Tooth Fairy.

Looking back at that last Christmas I believed in Santa, I think I really knew he wasn't real, but I was deluding myself. I so badly wanted there to be a real Santa that I wouldn't even entertain the idea of him being my parents. A lot of my friends said there was no Santa, but I knew if you didn't really believe he wouldn't stop by your house. Hello, Polar Express! What was wrong with all of my friends? Once you stopped believing, there was no way Santa could work his magic on you.

In order to keep believing in My Main Man, I went about concocting rationales to explain how Santa, could in be real. Now I was a pretty smart kid, not to toot my own horn, but I was. In the 1st and 2nd grades, I was often pulled out of class to go help the kindergartners learn how to read. I taught myself, with a little parental help, to read very early in life. The school thought that some of the students with learning problems could benefit from another kid showing them how they (me)read. So that's what I did, I gave away all my reading tips and got out of class in the process. Okay, so that tangent was meant to show you that I was smart, so when you read what I'm about to write you won't dismiss it as the crazy talk of a really not-smart little kid.

My Rationales

1. Why do some children get more presents than others, especially if the worse kid gets more than the good one? The government, duh! Part of a parent's taxes were sent to the North Pole for their kid's Christmas presents. The more money you paid in taxes, the more gifts you received.
2. Why were some gifts already at home, hidden in the basement? Santa had his helpers deliver all the really large presents before Christmas Eve because they wouldn't fit down the chimney. They would also weigh his sleigh down and he wouldn't be able to fly fast enough to deliver all the toys.
3. Why were there so many Santas at the malls with fake beards? These were relatives of Santa, members of the extended Claus family who take the requests of the kids and give them directly to the big man himself.
   
4. Why were my parents always up so early on Christmas morning fiddling with my gifts (I could hear them)? Santa doesn't have time to arrange all the gifts under the tree, he just comes down the chimney and puts the bag of gifts under the tree, the parentals must them display them accordingly.
5. Why do some kids have their presents wrapped and others do not? On the tax return form, there's a box you could check if you wanted your gifts wrapped, of course it would cost more money, meaning less gifts. This is why my presents were never wrapped.
6. How could Santa possibly deliver presents to all the children, all over the world, in just one night? The different time zones helped, but on Christmas Eve, and that day only, Santa was able to slow down time. Like Superman flying around the world to save Lois Lane. This was why time seemed to stand still on Christmas Eve, why the clock took 20 minutes to go from 1:01am to 1:02am- Santa, with a little help from God, slowed time.

Using these rationales, I was able to logically explain how Santa accomplished his mission. My parents didn't make these up either, they're my own! When I would ask them if they were right, if their taxes helped pay for my gifts, they'd say "well if that's what you think." I guess at that point they didn't want to outright lie to me, but still wanted me to have that bit of magic that comes with believing in Santa.

I don't know about you, but Christmas hasn't been the same since I finally accepted the truth about Santa. I'd rather sleep a little longer than wake up at the crack of dawn to see my gifts (I always spend Christmas Eve at my parents house). No matter how much I decorate or listen to the Christmas music radio station, I just don't have that feeling anymore. Anyone else feel the same way, or have you discovered a way to recapture the former Santa Claus induced euphoria? If so, tell me, I want to know what it is so I can try it. And no, I will not wear a sweater with a sequined Santa on it.

A Blast From Christmas Past

Awww, look at me! This is my first Christmas, sitting with my Mema and Papa. I was approximately 2 months and 3 days old, wearing what can only be described as something my mom picked out when she thought she was having a boy.

Do you see that Discovery Globe in the background? It was so cool! I found it the other day and it said "The USSR." Oh man, I felt OLD!

This is what is affectionately dubbed by me as an "Old Folks Tree." You know the kind, it sits on a stand so that it appears it's a full size tree from the outside. My grandparents used this tree until I put an end to it- at age 5. Santa Claus did not come to houses that only had half a** trees, unless you were poor and then he made an exception, but they weren't poor, so they needed a a big one,

Me again, 1989, age 8, the beginning of the "ugly stage.

The Christmas Lights

These are the Christmas lights at the house. That little Drummer Boy has been real pain in backside. There is obviously some faulty design (NOT a faulty put together-er) because he keeps tipping over. Right now I have managed to keep him up for 1 hour and counting, but he's as a 30% angle backwards. And yes, he is staked into the ground, like really staked.

Another view of the front

I bought these candy canes at the thrift store for a $1 each! I bought all the green ones they had, so I am waiting until they get some more so I can finish lining the sidewalk.

Favorite Etsy Shops

These are a few of my favorite Etsy shops. There are so many out there though, this is only a very small sampling of all the amazing items they have to offer.

Custom Kid Signs

This is where I bought my all time favorite Etsy purchase. You just email in the picture you want to use and what colors you would like. This is what Spencer's sign looks like, I love it!

Brooke Owens- Great hair accessories

• I bought my all time favorite head band from her, and I always get a ton of compliments when I wear it.
  

Knit With Love

• Various items, headbands, embroidered onesies, art, ornaments, etc. The prices are reasonable and I have gotten a ton of compliments on the headband I bought.
  

Sarkura Kitty Creatives

Lots of doo-dads, hair accessories, and all types of jewelry. I bought these vintage bobby pins for only $7 and they are very sturdy.

Joom
This is limited edition Joom Calendar I bought!

Joom sells really great pillows, as well as wall art, bags, cards, and various other artsy items.

--- I'm always finding really great stores on Etsy, and I will continue to post them if they catch my eye. If you have any favorites let me know!

I Love a Good Fabric Sale

My new fabric purchases!

I found this one on a clearance rank that said it was 50% off, which would have made it only $3 a yard. But when I went to buy my yardage I was informed that it was misplaced and full price. Usually I don't say anything when this type of thing happens, but I was feeling bold! I showed the lady how there were three other bolts of the same fabric, in different colors, on the same rack. She said something about it being a new employee's error, but she gave me the discount anyway!

This lovely lady was in the remnants bin at the very bottom. Are you ready? Three yards for $1.95! I'll post another picture of it at the bottom so you can see more of the detail, because it's so pretty. It had little brown sequins throughout the piece that really make it cool.

Spencer actually found this one. It was hiding underneath of a hideous bolt of puce paisley, which she promptly threw to the ground. But then I saw this baby and I knew her tantrum was divinely inspired! Only $4/yd for this puppy!

Yesterday I went to Linens 'n Things because they were having a huge going out of business sale. Everything was between 50% and 75% off! I bought two rather really comfortable down throw pillows that were UGLY for only $10. Project!!

Next time you see that fabric it will be covering my new pillows!

O' Christmas Tree

Me and the family chopping down our tree, circa 1990.

Tonight we are going to get our Christmas tree! You'd think that getting a tree wouldn't come with any inner conflict, but everything these days, for me, comes with it.

• Conflict 1: Once the tree goes up I'm going to have to watch Spencer like a HAWK, even more than I do now! All of a sudden a Christmas tree isn't a beautiful sight, it's a death trap filled with choking hazards and potential crushing (if she somehow knocks it over).
  
• Conflict 2: My Charlie Brown Guilt. Every year I always want to buy the ugliest tree because I feel badly for it. CRAZY! But Spencer deserves a pretty tree. On the other had, she's one, she won't know the difference, right?
  
  
• Conflict 3: Buy a real tree over a fake one. This one gets me every year. We go and chop down a living tree that would otherwise have a long tree life, only for it to be put out with the trash in January. But if I don't buy it someone else will, and at least if I buy it, I know it will be loved. Plus, most of those trees are planted for the sole purpose of one day being a family's Christmas tree, if no one buys living trees are we then denying said tree it's reason for being?
  

Yes, I recognize that Conflicts two and three are nutsy.

I usually disregard them and put them in the back of mind. But does anyone else ever feel this way? How can you have grown up watching Charlie Brown and NOT want to take home the ugly, lonely tree?

I guess will see which tree wins my heart this year, pictures to come!

Online Shopping

I have decided that everyday I am going to list a few of my favorite online places to shop. Down the road there might be themes to my lists, but today's selection has no theme, they are just some of my favorites! Hope you enjoy. Oh, and if you have a place that you love, please send me the link so I can post it, thanks!

1. Darlybird

Such a darling (haha, pun intended) place to shop for really neat gifts. They have such a unique selection of bags, jewelery, crafts, DIYs, decorations, hair clips and headbands, and party ideas/decorations. One of my favorite things about Darlybird is their emphasis on vintage items, from jewelry to crafts. One caution, this is NOT a store for the menfolk. Oh, and did I mention that the prices are fan-freakin-tastic? Because they are, seriously! Here is one of favorite purchases.

Lacy Toile Tote

2. The Pitter Patter Boutique

A fellow mommy blogger who offers stylish moms custom travel gear for children and babies, as well as a bunch of other cute items. My favorite is the seat belt strap covers, offered in all different styles.

3. Hautelook

Hautelook offers some of the best sales on all designers for both adults and kids. You do have to register, but it's worth it! They have approximately 3-4 sales going each day, with each brand having about 36 hours of sale time. They will email you to let you know what designer is on sale and then you shop. If it's a designer you really like, you need to be there when it starts because they go FAST. And I mean SALES! It's kind of like a Marhsall's or TJ Maxx with time limits. When Stila was on sale I purchased foundation for $15, eye shadow trios for $10, and lip gloss for $6!

What is a Mother?

Many things happen to a woman when she becomes a mother. Many of them you probably anticipated, either happily awaiting the change or vehemently denying that it would ever happen to you. One of these "afflictions" that has happened to me, is my inability to watch, see or hear anything that involves harm to a child, be it illness, accident, or crime. I can't watch tv shows where something happens to a kid or a start to bawl uncontrollably. All of a sudden, I am SO aware of how fragile life is, how it could be gone in a moment and there are no re-dos.

I wasn't prepared for the all consuming love or the all consuming fear that comes with being a mom. I didn't realize that there would NEVER be another moment in my life where I could just relax, really relax and not worry about anything. Maybe it's because I'm so aware of this change in myself that I'm completely intolerant of mothers who haven't changed. It makes me batty to see how some don't appreciate the gift they have, or even worse, do or cause harm to come to their child.


I don't mean taking time out for yourself to do something for you- a happy mom is a happy baby. My thoughts today are on that little girl Caylee in Florida, who's body they found yesterday, who's mother murdered her. As more details come out, the more I want to puke.


How could a mother duct tape her baby's mouth shut, put her in a garbage bag, and throw her out like trash into the water? I feel wrong even calling her a mother, like I'm disparaging all moms by putting her in that category. The level of loathing I feel towards her is like nothing I have ever experienced. Of course I was upset when Andrea Yates murdered her children, but it was nothing compared to the reaction of my mom. That case had the element of PPD, so it's hard to compare the two, but being a mother to Spencer has made me feel like a mother to every kid out there. My eyes are welling up with tears as a think about Caylee- betrayed by the one person who was supposed to move mountains in order to protect her.


On one hand I feel a bit crazy for having such strong feelings about people I don't know. I'm usually able to empathize with almost anyone, but the very idea of doing that here repulses me. There's nothing that could be said or revealed that would make me feel anything but disgust.


I am so grateful for every moment with my daughter. When there are so many parents who have special needs children or even worse have lost a child... I feel there are no words to describe how thankful I am that Spencer is happy and healthy. All that I could ever hope and wish for Spencer is her happiness and health and as long as I'm here on earth I will move the mountains in order to make sure she is.

Save Handmade Clothes and Toys

Recently Congress passed the Consumer Products Safety Improvement Act which goes into effect in two months and will completely shut down small toy manufacturers, independent artisans, and crafters who have already earned the public trust. This means that you'll no longer be able to buy your daughter hair clips from Etsy or wooden blocks for your son. When you go to an art fair or bazaar, there will be nothing there for your children. Basically, everything will now come from China, which is ironic seeing how it was their sub-par safety regulations that was the catalyst for this piece of legislation in the first place.

Mom 101 has a really moving post about handmade toys and clothes here. I'm all for ensuring the safety of items that are around children, I get emailed every time the USCPSC issues a recall on something. But as long as I have been receiving these emails, the recalls were always for mass produced items.

There are so many SAHMs out there who have started small businesses revolving around their children and I trust these moms more than I trust any greedy corporation. Sorry if this is a bit of a rant, I just can't help myself! To sign the petition to reform, not overturn, the CPSIA, go HERE. To send a message to the CPSC, go HERE.

Thanks for all your help! Save children's Etsy Shops!

Music Taste, or the Lack Thereof

Over the course of my life I have acquired quite an extensive CD collection. I haven't purchased one recently because of iTunes, but also because it's rare for me to like an entire album. I usually bought the CD if I liked the radio hit (in the days before Napster changed life).

Yes, I guess I could have purchased the singles rather than the entire albums, but that always seemed like a huge waste of money- two songs for $5 or 12 songs for $15? I chose option number two more often then not, unfortunately, I now have a ridiculously large collection of CD's that only have one or two songs on them that I like.


Thank goodness for iTunes and having the option to purchase only the songs you like. The only problem with that is now I never buy an entire album. I could be missing out on my new favorite song because it's not a popular download. Many of my favorite songs were not radio hits, the only reason I listened to them was I heard it when I was playing the CD (also in the days before CD burning was commonplace).


Should Have Bought the Single, NOT the Album

• Crash Test Dummies
• Spin Doctors
• Lisa Loeb
• The Proclaimers
• The Verve
• Keith Sweat
• The Cardigans

The list of my bad taste in music goes on and on and on, but that's enough embarrassment. Noting that my taste in music is somewhat questionable, I can listen to certain albums in their entirety over and over again.

I spent a summer studying in Florence, Italy and the only CD my roommate and I brought was Lost and Gone Forever, by Guster (No iPods then) We must have listened to that CD over 200 times. At night I would take one side of the head phones and she would take the other, or we would just turn the volume up REALLY loudly and listen to it from the headphones, but not on our head. More than any other album in my life, this one truly got even better with time. I never got sick of listening to it and when I play it today I am right back in Florence.

These are the CD's that I can listen to from start to finish, on repeat, for days at a time. My only rule when making this list was that I could only choose one soundtrack and one compilation/best hits. So what albums can you listen to from start to finish? Has iTunes been good for "discovering" hidden gems or has it hurt the concept of an album?

1. Guster- Lost and Gone Forever

2. Billy Joel- The Stranger

3. Sarah McLachlan- Surfacing

4. Red Hot Chili Peppers- By the Way

5. Alanis Morrisette- Jagged Little Pill
6. Weezer- The Blue Album
7. Britney Spears- Oops... I Did It Again
8. Bon Jovi- New Jersey and Slippery When Wet
9. Sublime- Sublime
10. Coldplay- A Rush of Blood to the Head

Favorite Soundtrack- Almost Famous

Runners Up:

1. Elton John- Honky Chateau

2. Carole King- Tapestry

3. ABBA- GOLD- Greatest Hits

4. Lauryn Hill- The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill

5. Empire Records- Soundtrack

My First Nie Smoothie

Taking a page from the Nie Handbook, I decided to make Spencer a fruit smoothie with vanilla soy milk. I used raspberries, apples, 1/2 a lime, flax seed, and the soy milk. It was actually quite delicious, if I do pat myself on the back. The half of lime really gave it some zest and the milk sweetened it up nicely.

















I wasn't sure how much fruit to use, and I ended up making way too much. But that just meant I got to have one too!

I know this may seem shocking, but this was the first blended thing I have ever made. Doesn't it look yummy?

I got a little carried away taking pictures of my creation! The flax seed really added to the flavor. It made it bit more hearty and substantial. I think I have found our new healthy breakfast.