A Santa Story

 

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I am one of those unfortunate, but fortunate, souls who believed in Santa Claus entirely too long. I'm almost too embarrassed to say how long, but here goes... I was 10! Ten years old and I still thought a large fat man traveled all around the world delivering toys to each house as his flying reindeer assisted him in his journey. What's even harder to believe about this is that I knew there was no Easter Bunny, Leprechaun, or Tooth Fairy.

Looking back at that last Christmas I believed in Santa, I think I really knew he wasn't real, but I was deluding myself. I so badly wanted there to be a real Santa that I wouldn't even entertain the idea of him being my parents. A lot of my friends said there was no Santa, but I knew if you didn't really believe he wouldn't stop by your house. Hello, Polar Express! What was wrong with all of my friends? Once you stopped believing, there was no way Santa could work his magic on you.

In order to keep believing in My Main Man, I went about concocting rationales to explain how Santa, could in be real. Now I was a pretty smart kid, not to toot my own horn, but I was. In the 1st and 2nd grades, I was often pulled out of class to go help the kindergartners learn how to read. I taught myself, with a little parental help, to read very early in life. The school thought that some of the students with learning problems could benefit from another kid showing them how they (me)read. So that's what I did, I gave away all my reading tips and got out of class in the process. Okay, so that tangent was meant to show you that I was smart, so when you read what I'm about to write you won't dismiss it as the crazy talk of a really not-smart little kid.

My Rationales

1. Why do some children get more presents than others, especially if the worse kid gets more than the good one? The government, duh! Part of a parent's taxes were sent to the North Pole for their kid's Christmas presents. The more money you paid in taxes, the more gifts you received.
2. Why were some gifts already at home, hidden in the basement? Santa had his helpers deliver all the really large presents before Christmas Eve because they wouldn't fit down the chimney. They would also weigh his sleigh down and he wouldn't be able to fly fast enough to deliver all the toys.
3. Why were there so many Santas at the malls with fake beards? These were relatives of Santa, members of the extended Claus family who take the requests of the kids and give them directly to the big man himself.
   
4. Why were my parents always up so early on Christmas morning fiddling with my gifts (I could hear them)? Santa doesn't have time to arrange all the gifts under the tree, he just comes down the chimney and puts the bag of gifts under the tree, the parentals must them display them accordingly.
5. Why do some kids have their presents wrapped and others do not? On the tax return form, there's a box you could check if you wanted your gifts wrapped, of course it would cost more money, meaning less gifts. This is why my presents were never wrapped.
6. How could Santa possibly deliver presents to all the children, all over the world, in just one night? The different time zones helped, but on Christmas Eve, and that day only, Santa was able to slow down time. Like Superman flying around the world to save Lois Lane. This was why time seemed to stand still on Christmas Eve, why the clock took 20 minutes to go from 1:01am to 1:02am- Santa, with a little help from God, slowed time.

Using these rationales, I was able to logically explain how Santa accomplished his mission. My parents didn't make these up either, they're my own! When I would ask them if they were right, if their taxes helped pay for my gifts, they'd say "well if that's what you think." I guess at that point they didn't want to outright lie to me, but still wanted me to have that bit of magic that comes with believing in Santa.

I don't know about you, but Christmas hasn't been the same since I finally accepted the truth about Santa. I'd rather sleep a little longer than wake up at the crack of dawn to see my gifts (I always spend Christmas Eve at my parents house). No matter how much I decorate or listen to the Christmas music radio station, I just don't have that feeling anymore. Anyone else feel the same way, or have you discovered a way to recapture the former Santa Claus induced euphoria? If so, tell me, I want to know what it is so I can try it. And no, I will not wear a sweater with a sequined Santa on it.