Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!

I hope everyone has a very merry and very safe Christmas! When you think that you can't take one more moment of forced familial bliss, close your eyes, count to three, and remember all of the people out there who can't be with their families. For me, this is the first Christmas without any of my grandparents.

I lost all four of my grandparents, plus one great-grandpa and great-aunt, in five years. I made it all the way til I was 21 with all four grandparents, and I knew I was lucky. I'm so grateful to have had so many wonderful Christmases, but it really has made the ones without them very difficult. Each year there is one less setting at the table, and in a family as small as ours it's impossible for it not to be a silent reminder of who used to sit there. My mom was an only child and my dad only has one sister, who has no children. Both sets of GP's lived within 10 miles of me for most of my life; they were a constant and I loved it.


My Christmases were the kind each kid dreams about- their whole entire family under one roof for opening presents! Everyone came to me! Well, everyone still comes to me, er Spencer, but now it's just my Aunt. I am glad that this will be our last "first Christmas without ..." for awhile, hopefully!


I can remember those times, just a few years ago, when I thought I wouldn't make it through another second of tv volumes set at ear drum destroying levels, or thermostats set at 80 degrees, or watching my mouth lest I say something offensive, or talking to the blank stare that can no longer remember your name, or breathing a sigh of relief that the day was finally over. What I would give to have one of those moments back again... To have them know Spencer... I can't even think about without turning into a blubbering mess.


No family is perfect, especially not mine, actually I am a large part of the reason our family is so, um, zany! But today, while I am remembering my family in Heaven, I'm going to do my best to take in every moment of the "zany," that is my family And when I can't take one more second, I'm going to try and remember just how valuable this time is we have here and now.


Merry Christmas Internet!